Should I Let My Ex Initiate All Contact?

Leaving your ex to initiate all contact may seem like the best approach to giving your ex space and respecting his/her boundaries, but it is not.

In fact, leaving your ex to initiate all contact badly hurts your chances, and may be the very reason you will not get your ex back.

This is why it is a bad idea.

1. Not only does it say you are trying too hard not to appear needy and clingy, it sends a strong message that you still do not know how to stay in contact/be close without becoming needy and clingy.

It’s like someone who decides that since she can’t stop overeating once she starts eating, she’ll not eat any food at all. You know it’s only a matter of time…

2. By leaving it up to your ex to initiate all contacts, you are giving up any control you have over the future of your relationship. He/she gets to decide the when, how and what, and all you can do is follow or react. It’s a place of powerlessness, and can cause a lot of anxiety, fear and doubt.

3. It won’t be long before your ex notices that he/she’s doing all the initiating contact, and decide it’s not worth the effort. When this happens, you will have to do a lot more work/initiating contact to get him/her to a level where he/she wants any contact at all, let alone starts initiating contact again.

4. Keeping the lines of communication in a relationship is the responsibility of both parties in the relationship. When only one person does all the work, the relationship becomes unfulfilling (for the person doing all the work), unhealthy and unsustainable.

To reassure your ex that you are not that needy and clingy person anymore, he/she needs to see that you can be in contact without overdoing it, and can stay connected and close without him/her feeling pressured and/or smothered.

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