Should I Let My Ex Initiate All Contact?

Leaving your ex to initiate all contact may seem like the best approach to giving your ex space and respecting their boundaries, but it is not.

In fact, leaving your ex to initiate all contact can hurt your chances, and may be the very reason you will not get your ex back.

This is why it is a bad idea.

1. Not only does it say you are trying too hard not to appear needy and clingy, it sends a strong message that you still do not know how to stay in contact and be close without becoming needy and clingy.

It’s like someone who decides that since they can’t stop over-eating once they start eating, they’ll not eat any food at all. You know it’s only a matter of time…

2. By leaving it up to your ex to initiate all contacts, you are giving up any control you have over the situation. Your ex gets to decide the when, how and what, and all you can do is follow or react. It’s a place of powerlessness, and can cause a lot of anxiety, fear and doubt (both sides)

3. It won’t be long before your ex notices that they’re doing all the initiating contact, and therefore putting all the effort into keeping the lines of communication open. When this happens, they pull back and stop initiating contact and/or stop responding all together.

Any momentum you’ve built up will be lost, and you will have to work even harder to get things to where she starts initiating contact again, or even wants any contact at all.

4. Keeping the lines of communication in a relationship is the responsibility of both parties in the relationship. When only one person does all the work, the relationship becomes unfulfilling (for the person doing all the work), unhealthy and unsustainable.

To reassure your ex that you are not that needy and clingy person anymore, they need to see that you can be in contact without overdoing it, and can stay connected and close without them feeling pressured and/or smothered.

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