4 Must-Have Conversations With an Ex In a Situationship

Few relationship dynamics are as complicated as a situationship with an ex. The history, familiarity, unresolved feelings, and lingering attraction can create a connection that feels both comforting and confusing at the same time.

Ideally, most people are better served by relationships that offer clarity, commitment, and shared expectations. Situationships often lack one or more of these elements, which is why they can lead to uncertainty, anxiety, and disappointment. Without clear boundaries, one person may view the connection as a stepping stone toward getting back together, while the other sees it as a convenient arrangement with no long-term future. When expectations are unclear, hurt feelings are almost inevitable.

That said, real life is more complicated than ideal.

There are situations where a traditional committed relationship may not be possible, even when two people genuinely care about one another. In these situations, a situationship may be the most realistic option available at a particular point in time.

Some common examples include:

1. They’re recovering from a long-term relationship

An ex may have recently ended a serious relationship and still be processing grief, loss, or emotional exhaustion. Even if feelings exist, they may not be ready to commit again.

2. They’re still entangled with a previous partner

Some people are emotionally, financially, or practically connected to a former partner long after a breakup. Co-parenting arrangements, shared assets, business interests, or unresolved emotional ties can

complicate the possibility of a new commitment.

3. They’re going through a divorce

Divorce can be legally time consuming and emotionally draining. Someone may genuinely enjoy reconnecting with you while recognizing they don’t have the emotional bandwidth to build a fully committed relationship during this transition.

4. Long-distance circumstances

When two people live in different cities, states, or countries, commitment conversations can feel premature if there is no immediate plan to close the distance.

5. Avoidant attachment patterns

People with avoidant attachment often value independence and may need significantly more time before feeling comfortable with commitment. While attachment patterns don’t excuse poor not fully committing, they can explain why someone struggles with relationship labels and expectations.

6. You aren’t looking for commitment either

It’s important to recognize that not everyone wants a committed relationship.

An increasing number of men and women are intentionally choosing to remain unattached or pursue committed relationships at certain stages of their lives. Some are prioritizing careers, personal goals, personal growth, parenting responsibilities, travel, healing, or simply enjoying independence. Others may recognize that they are not emotionally available for the level of investment a committed partnership requires and don’t currently want the obligations that come with a committed partnership.

In these situations, a situationship may not be a placeholder for a committed relationship — it may genuinely reflect what both people want right now.

4 Important conversations to have in a Situationship With an Ex

While situationships are not ideal, they do not have to be complicated and emotionally unsafe.

These conversations can help create emotional safety, reduce confusion or misunderstandings, and help both people make informed decisions about their involvement.

1. Define what this is and what it is not

One of the biggest mistakes people make in situationships is avoiding the conversation altogether.

Both people should openly discuss:

• Whether they are exclusive or non-exclusive
• What each person is hoping to gain from the connection
• Whether the arrangement is temporary or indefinite

The goal is not to force certainty about the future. The goal is to establish honesty about the present.
When expectations remain unspoken, people tend to fill in the blanks with assumptions. Clarity protects both individuals from investing in different versions of the same relationship.

2. Agree on emotional availability

A situationship doesn’t have to function like a friends-with-benefits arrangement where you occasionally meet up but otherwise keep each other at arm’s length.

This is why it’s important to agree on what level of emotional availability both people are comfortable offering.

Consider discussing expectations around availability:

• How often do you want to be in contact?
• How often you communicate
• Whether daily check-ins are appropriate
• If both of you are comfortable sharing personal challenges and seeking advice from one another?
• What role you play during difficult life events
• How you handle questions about the situationship
• How much about the situationship you share with the rest of the world
• How you deal with social events

What matters is that both people have a shared understanding of the level of emotional investment they’re making and feel respected within those boundaries.

3. Be clear about dating other people

This conversation is uncomfortable, but avoiding it usually creates bigger problems later.
Whether you’re exclusive or not, discuss:

• Whether you will disclose dating other people
• What information each person wants to know
• How new romantic interests may affect the situationship
• What would constitute a deal-breaker

A situationship doesn’t eliminate the need for honesty. Even if exclusivity is not part of the arrangement, transparency helps both people make informed choices and prevents unnecessary feelings of betrayal.

More importantly, transparency allows both people make decisions that align with their emotional wellbeing.

4. Create regular check-in points

People’s feelings change. Life circumstances change. What felt manageable three months ago may no longer feel healthy today.

Set intentional check-in conversations every few weeks or months to discuss:

• Whether the arrangement is still working
• Whether either person’s feelings have changed
• Whether new needs or concerns have emerged
• Whether the situationship should evolve, continue, or end

These conversations prevent people from staying in a dynamic that no longer serves them simply because it feels familiar.

Bottomline: A situationship is not doomed to fail, despite what many people suggest

While situationships can become messy when expectations are unclear, they can work when both people are honest about what they want, what they can offer, and what they cannot. Not every connection is meant to follow the traditional path toward commitment, and that doesn’t automatically make it unhealthy.

For a situationship to feel safe and fulfilling for both people, boundaries are not optional — they are what make the arrangement sustainable.

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