1. Connection and closeness make you uncomfortable and/or scare you.
2. Clingy and needy behaviours make you angry and have a low opinion of someone.
3. You don’t see anything ‘wrong’ with not responding to texts or calls for several days, taking ‘space’ or leaving on a trip without informing your partner.
4. When you are upset, you don’t want to talk about what’s making you upset.
5. You miss your partner when they’re not around and when you see them again the happiness of seeing them again lasts a short time – and you wish they were gone again.
6. Most of your relationships have been long distance and you are happiest when you are away for work or doing things that don’t involve your partner.
7. You don’t trust others because your experience has been that trusting or relying on others always leads to a negative outcome.
8. In all your relationships, your partners have complained that you do not talk about how you feel or what you think.
9. You believe most people are too dependent on others and should stop making a big deal about someone choosing to be alone than be in a relationship.
10. Sometimes you just want your partner to leave you alone (no contact, no communication, no connection) and you don’t know why.
11. You really, really don’t like drama or partners that create constant emotional stress.
12. You value your autonomy and independence over your relationships.
13. After you have an amazing time, date or holidays with your partner, you feel internally pressured to distance yourself in order to re-evaluate how you feel about them.
14. You don’t believe relationships should be hard. If it’s hard, it’s not meant to be.
15. You like having your partner around but you don’t want to feel that you have to talk to them or do things with them.
16. Arguments make you feel overwhelmed and want out of the relationship.
17. You tend to attract anxiously attached type and are intensely attracted to them until they start displaying clingy and needy behaviours.
18. You’ve had least one (or more) on-and-off relationship that you keep going back to just because your ex keeps pursuing you (but you are not really committed to making it work).
19. You’ve been deeply hurt in the past by someone you deeply cared about (and most likely still care about) but despite the hurt, they are still the person you use to measure all others.
20. You have been in at least one (or more) relationships for more than 3 years but you just couldn’t take that next step to commitment because there was always “something” you didn’t like about the person or the relationship.
21. When a relationship ends, you don’t reach out first because to you that’s chasing someone and you hate the idea of chasing or being chased.
22. You don’t cut off all contact with your ex or move on quickly, you just don’t make any attempt to initiate contact or respond when they reach out.
23. You prefer to keep your partner and your other relationships (friends and family) separate and make a big deal about when your partner can meet your friends and family.
24. You use sex to regulate closeness and withhold it if and when you think it’ll make someone want more closeness and connection.
25. Many of your break-ups ‘just happen’. You didn’t plan on breaking up, but one thing led to another and just like that, you end it.
26. After the break-up you feel more relieved than hurt or disappointed. Most people think about all the good things they are going to miss but you think about all the time and space you now have to do what you want.
27. When you experience a sense of guilt for breaking up and hurting your ex, you dismiss it with “it’s what’s best for both of us” even when it’s clear your ex didn’t want to break-up.
28. You don’t believe exes can or should stay friends because there is just too much feeling and emotions involved.
29. You have ghosted someone more than once and you don’t see anything wrong with fading out of the picture of a relationship you don’t want to be in.
30. You are genuinely happy when an ex reaches out but resent feeling obligated to keep the lines of communication open.
If you are trying to get back with your ex, it helps to learn more about your own attachment style and how to make your different attachment styles work.