3 Reasons Why You’re Losing Hope Of Getting Back Your Ex

Almost everyone trying to get their ex back feels like sometimes they are just spinning their wheels, unable to gain traction or move things forward.

Unfortunately, a majority cut their losses and give up at this point. Some give up just at the point where things were starting to turn around.

If it feels like you have not moving forward it is either because:

1) You are playing it safe (e.g. low/limited contact, friend-zone).

You are not pushing your ex away/messing things up, but at the same time you are not moving things forward either. Some people find themselves in low/limited contact for months, or until their ex is with someone else, then they try to “do something” to move things forward. But by then, it’s too late. [More in: Does Limited or Low Contact Work?]

2) You have no strategy/plan of action and/or doing the wrong things.

This is where most people miss the boat. They are so focused on managing contact that they forget that people don’t fall in love with you because you contact them just the right amount. People fall in love because of how you make them feel.

Stuck-ness means that you need to change your whole approach to the situation. You need to change your understanding of it, and your response to it. [More in: Why Your Ex Doesn’t Want To Talk To You]

3) You don’t trust yourself or what you are doing.

This is where the over-analyzing every word, every action, every interaction comes in. You want to be absolutely sure you are making the right decision before you do anything, you got the right words before you say them, and know the right action before you take it. But in the end, you only end up creating a state of mind where you are hyper-vigilant about your own words and actions.

  • Afraid to take any action because you think you’ll make a fool of yourself;
  • Worried that if you say this or that, it’ll drive your ex further away;
  • Freaking out when you make a mistake or things don’t turn out the way you’d hoped;
  • Putting yourself down and underestimating your own abilities and strengths;
  • Running away from people and situations you think you can’t handle;
  • Struggling with uncertainty and unexpected situations;
  • Constantly asking for and believing everyone else’s thoughts and opinions, except your own;
  • Afraid to make decisions or making a decision and then drive yourself crazy with anxiety and worry;
  • Making things worse or making a mess of everything.
[More in: Your Ex Will Trust You Again When You Trust You]

 

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28 Comments

  • It makes so much sense when you talk of giving space as an avoidance strategy. My ex has this habit of pulling away every time we have a disagreement. We don’t yell at each other, we just don’t agree on how much time we spend with each other. She is not interested in many things and wants me to stay home with her every single day. When I rebel, she stops responding to my texts. After a couple of weeks she texts me back saying she was giving me my space. I thought she was just being passive-aggressive.

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    • She is being passive-aggressive, you are right about that. She perceives your ‘rebellion’ as an ‘attack’ on her need for you to spend time with her and ‘giving you space’ is her way of fighting back. But there may be some manipulation going on as well, especially if after she does ‘gives you space’, you to start staying home with her every single day.

      As long as there’s some kind of ‘reward’ in it for her, she’ll keep doing it.

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