22 Beliefs That Can Help You Be A Secure Trusting Partner

What prevents most people from opening themselves up to love is not trusting your hearts’ wisdom (intuition), and fearing that someone will take advantage of you. Living in your head, on guard, making sure that no one will take advantage of you (which they do anyways) can prevent you from experiencing the very same thing that you long for with all your heart – boundless love and intimacy.

Securely attached don’t have trauma roadblocks to love and intimacy. When trying to get back their ex, people with a secure attachment don’t get anxious when they don’t receive a text from their ex. They are usually more positive and more realistic about their chances because they believe that partners (and exes) generally have good intentions and that any negative behaviours their partner (or ex) may display are temporary and reversible. Only when there is clear evidence that their ex acted with malicious intent or is purposefully being hurtful do securely attached people attribute bad intentions to an ex and act to protect themselves.

This self-confidence allows them to be proactive and consistent in both words and actions – and it pays off. Compared to insecurely attached, securely attached individuals are more likely to get back their ex.

To help you think, interpret and process attachment-relate information, I have compiled a list of beliefs that help securely choose partners wisely, have satisfying and lasting relationships, not linger in emotional pain or feel victimized. Hopefully they’ll help you move forward on your path of love with a new awareness, transform your breakup hurt and pain into lessons learned, and help you make healthy and secure choices in your next relationship.

1. Attraction is not enough to make a relationship work — you need compatibility and commitment.

2. If you feel emotionally empty before you start a relationship, you will feel just as empty (or more) once you are in one.

3. Strong believers of “love at first sight” often look for all the wrong qualities in a partner, and overlook the right qualities.

4. To find out the kind of partner you’ve been looking for, look at the kind of partners you’ve ended up with. You don’t attract the same type of person over and over by bad luck – you get what you are subconsciously looking for.

5. Your subconscious programming (and not the men or women you date) is responsible for much of the pain you experience in your love life.

6. Becoming aware of your subconscious decisions is the first step to eliminating those unwanted patterns in your love life.

7. It is possible to experience true love with more than one person, there are many potential “soul mates” you could be happy with.

8. There is no “perfect’ person out there who will fulfill you in every way. Your “right partner” will fulfill many of your needs. It is unrealistic to expect one person to fulfill every one of your needs.

9. When you are feeling lonely and desperate, you are much more likely to make poor choices and end up in unfulfilling relationships.

10. When you change and edit your values with the hope that you and your new partner will get along, you lose your sense of self early in the relationship and create a false sense of compatibility.

11. When you fall in love with someone’s potential rather than who they actually are, you will only end up frustrating and hurting yourself.

12. People who go on emotional rescue missions often mistake sympathy for love.

13. When you fall in love with someone who is your role model, it is difficult to have a normal relationship.

14. Don’t cultivate a relationship with someone “superior” who you think will “elevate” you in some way, but with an equal you enjoy and can’t get enough of.

15. When you experience powerful sexual chemistry with someone, its NOT always love.

16. Good sex has nothing to do with true love, but making love has everything to do with being truly in love.

17. The closer your sexual style is to your partner’s, the more likely both of you will enjoy your sexual experiences.

18. If you are with someone who will not communicate with you about how they feels, you are NOT in a love relationship, you are in a social arrangement.

19. A long distance romance makes it easy for you to think you’re closer and the relationship is better than it actually is. You need to spend a lot of time in each other’s presence t confirm the feelings you have for ech other from a distance.

20.. The more you love yourself, the less likely you are to allow others to treat you with disrespect, or mistreat and abuse you.

21. The more anger towards the past that you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present.

22. When you learn to “feel’ people with your heart rather than just your eyes and ears, you will attract much more healthier and compatible people in your life.

Allow your heart – wisdom to create your future, moment-to- moment. Live in your heart knowing that your logical, organized left-brain is still available to you as a tool. It stores information for you to retrieve at any time. Go to your head for facts you have filed there, and present them from your heart. When you can trust your heart’s wisdom your physical being becomes more attractively relaxed, your mental being becomes more clear, your emotional being becomes more balanced, and your spiritual being becomes more open bringing you closer and closer to pure and true love.