Intimate relationships are not just good for us, they are necessary because they challenge and stimulate our emotional, sexual and spiritual maturity.
When you love someone, and someone loves you, you are each other’s most trusted, reliable and honest mirror — constantly reflecting one to the other. You also balance each other’s masculine and feminine energies (both of these energies exist in one person, but more often than not, one person expresses more of the masculine energy and the other more of the feminine energy — at different times).
In other words, if you want to grow into more of who you really are, you can’t do it all by yourself: living by yourself and just learning from yourself only. True, you can have family, friends, etc. but it’s not the same thing.
And I fully understand that some people are single, not for lack of trying but a matter of waiting for the right person to come along. But not all single men and women are “waiting for the right person to come along”, some of them have long given up and others are blocking themselves off from intimate relationships — knowingly or unknowingly.
If one or more of these statements are your reasons for being single, then may be you should seriously have a talk with yourself because you may be denying yourself one of the most rewarding experiences of being human.
- “I don’t want to get hurt. I’d rather be alone”.
- “Every time I get into a relationship, I ruin everything”.
- “I get bored so easily. It’s just hard to find someone who can sustain my interest for long”.
- “I am afraid to let anyone know me. I feel that if they know who I really am, they’ll not like me”.
- “Men aren’t interested in intimacy, they just want sex”.
- “Lasting relationships between two people is impossible”.
- “Relationships are just too complicated. Who wants the trouble?”.
- “I have everything I want. I don’t need a relationship”.
- “I don’t want to change for anyone, they either love me the way I am, or don’t”.
- “I have more important things to do with my life”.
- “I want to know everything about someone before I get into a relationship”.
- “There are many single men and women. I am not the only one”.
- “There are no more good men left”.
- “There are no more good women left”.
- “I’ll never find love again”.
- “It’s impossible to make a woman happy”.
- “Relationships are not worth the effort/overrated.”
- “I’ve never seen a happy couple”.
- “I’ll never understand women”.
- “I’ll never understand men”.
The secret about Nos. 19 and 20 is that you don’t have to understand someone to love them. No questions about it, it makes relationships a little more complicated and even hard at times, but that’s the whole point of relationships, love and life itself. It’s a journey of self-discovery. If you set your mind to enjoy the journey, there’ll be no hurry to get to the destination. The journey will be fulfilling on it’s own.
Bottom line: Intimate relationships don’t take anything away from you, instead they add more of you to yourself. They don’t stop you from being yourself, instead they help you become more of yourself by sharing yourself with someone else.
The sharing becomes “we”, and as you continue sharing more and more of yourself you gain more and more “we”. You never disappear. You maintain yourself as the other person maintains him or herself but you both grow “we” together.
“We” is so much more fulfilling — on all levels — than just “I”.