Getting a text from an ex after the break-up stirs different emotions. If they broke up with you or if you still have feelings for your ex; it will feel nice to know that they still think of you and maybe miss you. But if you want to forget everything and move on; a text from an ex feels like a setback, and can even be annoying.
The question is why would an ex keep contacting you and texting you several months, even years after the break-up? In my experience there are 20 common reasons why exes keep contacting you and texting you after the break-up.
1) They still have feelings for you
They still have feelings for you and are reaching out to see if you still love them and still care for them; or are interested in getting back together.
They may be feeling guilty for breaking up with you and worried that you to hate them for it.
3) They want to be friends
They may be trying to be your “friend”; and reaching out to see if you are interested in keeping in touch as friends.
4) Old habit
They may be texting you out of habit. If you have done something routinely for a while, it can sometimes be hard to break that habit.
5) Missing you
They may be contacting you because they miss you; and don’t care if contacting you makes them come across as needy or wanting you. They just miss you.
They may be lonely especially if they are not in a relationship or are going out and seeing people but no one is interesting enough to want to pursue a relationship with.
7) They’re drunk
Many exes for some reason text an ex when they are drunk or stoned; and sometimes can not even remember they did it the next day.
8) Booty call
They may be texting you after a break-up for a booty call; especially if the sex was good but the relationship ended for some other reasons.
9) Accidental call
Believe it or not this can happen. Not all exes erase your number after the break-up; and they may be trying to call someone and accidentally called your number or they simply butt-called you.
10) They heard/saw you met someone new
They are reaching out because they feel jealous or are hurting that you are with someone new. Exes will do this whether they are still single or are in a relationship themselves.
11) They’re too shy to tell you they want you back
Some exes text you out of the blue or keep reaching out every now and then thinking that they are giving you the opportunity to try to get them back. They will throw hints that they’re single or somewhat dating but not really. (Translation: I’m still available but it may not be for long).
12) They care about you
If you had a good relationship and cared very much for each other, they may be reaching out just to check on how you are and not necessarily trying to get back together. If you truly cared about someone it is hard to stop caring about their well-being even after the break-up.
13) For closure
Some exes reach out because they still have unanswered questions and unresolved issues from the relationship and break-up and keep texting you for answers and to get closure. Other think reaching out one more time just to see how they feel about you will help them let go and get the closure they need.
14) Anger and resentment
You have heard the saying “hurting people hurt people”. Some exes text you because they are still hurting and say and do things that they think will hurt you just as much as they are hurting. They may be even be texting you because they hate you for the break-up, hate you for moving on or hate you because they still love you.
15) Unfinished business
They may reach out want to return something of yours that they have or ask you to return something of their that you have. They may also reach out for some practical matter if for example you shared bills, a home, a business and need to discuss how to wrap things up. Sometimes its just about the unfinished business, but sometimes exes use this as a way to start conversations and pen up the lines of communication.
16) Emotional support
They may be contacting you because they are going through some things and have no one else to turn to for emotional support.
17) Pressure from friends and family
They may be texting you because a friend or family member has been asking about you, told them something about you, or directly asked them to contact you. Friends and family do this if they think your ex made a mistake breaking up with you or if they don’t like the new man or woman and want the two of you to get back together.
18) Good news
Sometimes exes text you out of the blue to wish you a happy birth day, congratulate you on an achievement, or share with you some good news of their own. This can be out of habit but it may also be genuine happiness for you or genuine desire to share some good news with you.
19) Bad news
Your ex may contact you to inform you of a death or something that happened to someone you both know. Thy may think you have not heard about it or maybe reaching out to connect with you because they know you’re the only person who will feel the same way they feel, understand their grief and be able to empathize,
20) Fear of losing you for ever
Some exes even know you will not get back together but the thought of losing you forever; and not having you in their life makes them reach out. They know nothing will come out of it but they just have to do it.
Some of the reasons have to do with your ex’s attachment style. For example, a fearful avoidant may reach out because they think they are losing you forever but may also be too afraid to get back together because they think they that even if you get back together, you may end up leaving them.