What’s the number one reason many women break up with a guy they think is really wonderful, they get along with really well, and even love? He won’t commit.
The number two reason? He’s boring.
But what exactly do people mean when they say someone is boring?
It takes time for most us to decide that someone is boring person, but some people give off hints of being a boring person right from the first time you meet them.
Boring people mostly come in two types:
1. The loud type – talk nonstop, don’t know how to listen, talk over other people, think they know everything about everything, often come across as domineering (not in a good way), have shallow emotional expression and come across as superficial, tell inappropriate jokes etc.
2. The quiet type – barely talk (you have to work really hard to get two sentences out of them), don’t seem to know a lot about anything/in depth or have an opinion of their own, don’t express any kind of emotion, take themselves too seriously all the time, don’t get most jokes/no sense of humour etc.
Both of these types of people are socially inept but in different ways. One has zero self-awareness and the other is overly self-conscious. Both of them are mentally and emotionally boring not just to women but to most people.
Surprisingly, many guys either don’t know they are boring or don’t believe in their ability to bore a woman out of a relationship. I’ve heard many say to me, “she says I’m a great guy” or “she says it’s the best relationship she’s ever heard.”
How nice! But why is she breaking up with you? Better yet, why is she breaking up with you when you never have arguments or fight? Why did she break up with you after saying she had a great time with you? Why does she keep running away into the arms of guys she says are no where as good as you?
May be she doesn’t know what she wants or may be she’s afraid of commitment, but maybe she is just being polite and does not want to hurt your feelings.
Some women will tell you to your face that “you’re boring” but most will politely break up with you. They may tell you: “We have different communication styles”, “I need someone who mentally challenges me”, “You are not comfortable around my friends” or something that suggests that there is something about you they do not like but will not directly tell you.
What they really mean is that they find you boring. Some will break up with you again and again mostly because they know you’re a great guy but feel you’re not much fun to be around. And because she cares about you, may be even loves you, she’ll try not to further damage your self-esteem by using the following:
1. “Let’s just be friends”.
2. “I like you but don’t want to be in a relationship right now.”
3. “I need to be on my own for sometime.”
4. “I think we should see other people.”
5. “I feel that I need to explore life a little more.”
6. “We’re just not in the same place.”
7. “I love you but I’m not in love with you.”
8. “You haven’t done anything, I just need a break.”
9. “It’s not you, it’s me”
10. “Any woman would be lucky to have you.”
Okay, those are common break-up words almost everyone uses. It doesn’t mean anything. You may be right, but if you have any doubts about your ability to be so boring, test yourself against these 15 Reasons Why She Thinks You’re Boring.
15 Reasons Why She Thinks You’re Boring
Are People With A Secure Attachment Boring?
But do you think it is a good reason to leave someone? My fear is that I may leave him and regret later or I’ll stay and be miserable for the rest of my life.
I can’t answer that for you. This is your heart, your life — the decision (and responsibility) is yours. When you let others decide what you do with your life and heart, you’re giving the most important power you’ll ever have away. I’d hate to be the one to take that power away from you. All I can do is offer and clarify the options you have… YOU decide.
Trust yourself and even if you later find that you made a mistake, take it as a learning moment. They say the only mistakes we make are those we don’t learn from.
We discussed it a couple of times. He says he is happy with who he is but admits that his ex also complained about lack of conversation. Is this his way of telling me to leave?
It’s possible that he is telling you to leave if you want, or he could be simply saying that you need to accept him as he is.
You have three options:
1) accept him the way he is especially if the positives outweigh the negatives. For conversation and fun stuff, look to your friends and family etc;
2) try to introduce some shared interest, things you both enjoy doing. You cannot change him but you can change things in the relationship; or
3) if you can’t envision yourself with him and still be happy, walk away as his ex did. It’ll get much harder to walk away later when you have much more invested in the relationship.
This article confirms how I’m feeling about my current boyfriend. We’ve been dating for just over a year but things are so boring that I’m thinking of leaving him. He doesn’t talk much and when I ask him if he wants to do anything he just says it’s up to me. We never go out much because he says he doesn’t like being around people. All we do is dinner and sex. Sex used to be average but now it’s just boring. The only thing that’s making me stay is he’s the only guy that’s shown me love. Do you think I’m settling?
A year is a very short time for you to be feeling this way. Does he know how you feel?