14 Strong Signs Avoidant Ex Is Becoming Interested Again

Some signs that signs an avoidant ex misses you and is becoming interested again are obvious and others can seem like an avoidant is breadcrumbing you, leading you on or even friend zone especially with a fearful avoidant ex. But if at least more than 10 of the signs below are happening, then there’s not doubt that fearful or dismissive avoidant is still attracted to you and interested in you even if they haven’ yet aid anything to suggest they want you back.

1. Wants to keep the lines of communication open

An  avoidant wanting to keep the lines of communication open means that they don’t want to lose the connection you have. This a stronger sign with a fearful avoidant than with a dismissive avoidant because of a fearful avoidant’s fear of abandonment. They may be afraid that if the lines of communication close, they’ll reach out and you’ll not respond or that you will move on. Keeping the lines of communication open is their way of keeping the door open for getting back together in the future.

2. Talking to you all of a sudden

If they were in no contact and your avoidant ex starts talking to me all of a sudden or indirectly reach out here and there, it’s a sign that an avoidants misses you. But it’s not necessarily a sign an avoidant is becoming interested again. There are many instances of fearful avoidants exes who lean anxious missing an ex but are not emotionally invested in trying to make things work. But if an avoidant keeps popping up on your social media, posts indirect messages and tries to indirectly send you messages through friends or family all at once, it’s a sign that they miss you and are trying to get back in your life.

3. Interested in your life

When an avoidant goes from only responding or reaching out once in a while to texting regularly and even talking on the phone, it’s a strong sign that they’re becoming interested again. It means that they’re becoming comfortable having you in their daily life especially if they’re asking questions that show that an avoidant ex is interested in your life.

4. Lingers and doesn’t want to let you go

Avoidants typically end a conversation and drop text conversation abruptly but if an avoidant lingers in text and/or phone conversations, asks questions when a text chat or phone call is ending, lets you end conversations, texts you immediately after ending a phone call etc., a strong sign they miss you, miss talking to you and emotionally investing in the connection.

5. Shares intimate information 

If your conversations go from surface-level topics (how are you? how’s your day? how’s work? Etc..) to personal topics that include your lives, the people and things you both care about, everyday life or future plans or information they previously did not share with you, this is a good sign that an avoidant misses you and wants you to be a part of their life again.

6. Emotionally opens up

This is probably the most telling of all signs that an avoidant misses you and is becoming interested again. The tone, content, depth and emotion in your conversations is measure of an avoidant’s interest. I am not talking about the emotions or feelings about how they feel about you or getting back together. The emotions is letting you on their joys, upsets, frustrations, stress, confusion, etc. This is a sign that they feel emotionally safe around you. Feeling emotionally safe with you is a pre-requisite for getting back together.

7. Initiating contact

An avoidant can miss you but if they don’t initiate contact, it means that they’re still guarded and holding back. They will respond politely but will not reach out firs because reaching out shows interest and is a sign that an avoidant is willing to get out of their comfort zone and to take risks. So if you’re the one who has been initiating all contact, an avoidant is starting to initiate contact (regularly) is a good sign that they are warming up to you and taking responsibility for keeping the lines of communication open. The exception is if an avoidant initiates contact because they want favours, only for emotional support or sex.

8. Asks questions about your dating life

An avoidant is asking questions about how you are spending your time and/or if you are dating someone else is a strong sign that they never stopped thinking about you, miss you and interested in you again. They are trying to figure out if you are still available and/or if you’re still interested in them.

9. Teases and/or flirts with you

This is sign an avoidant misses you and wants you back only if things have been quite tense in the past. It means that things have moved to a more emotionally safe place. But it can also sometimes mean you’re friendzoned especially if your avoidant ex is a natural tease or flirt. Natural flirts tease and flirt whether they are interested in getting back together or not. It also doesn’t mean anything if one or both of you see sex as the goal of the teasing/flirting.

10. Open to meeting and/or hanging out

If you’ve been in contact via text or phone calls, moving things to face-to-face meeting or hanging out is an encouraging sign that feelings are still there, an avoidant is still attracted to you and becoming interested again. It does not mean they want to get back together (yet), it just means they’re comfortable being in your personal space, and if your meetings or hangout go really well with no major red flags, you avoidant ex will start to think that there is a possibility that the two of you will get back together.

11. Comfortable with physical touch

Physical touch is a strong sign of attraction and the amount and degree of physical contact suggests the attracted is still there and there’s a level of comfort an avoidant ex has with you. However is a little tricky as ex-sex can be very tempting even for people who have no intention of getting back together. Don’t assume that because an avoidant is getting all “hot” for you that they are emotionally warming up to you as well. The amount of physical touch should match the level of emotional connection, otherwise an avoidant may just want sex only.

12. Pulls away and push you away less

Avoidants pull away and push people away when they get too close. One of the major signs that an avoidant ex has missed you and wants you back is they push you away less and pull away less frequently and for shorter periods of time.

13. Talks about a future with you in it

If an avoidant is mentioning things that suggest that you will be in contact or in each other’s lives for a while, this is a sign that they’re becoming interested again. It is a sign that they’re leaving the door open for the possibility that they may change their mind as time goes on.

But listen for words like “remain friends”, “I don’t want us to hate each other”, “whatever happens”, “I only wish the best for you”, “You’re a special, any person would be lucky to have you”, etc. These are words common with exes who see you in their future but only as a friend. An avoidant may even be looking for closure and getting ready to move on. It’s not always the case, but more often than not.

14. They tell you they miss you

There’s no better sign that an avoidant is becoming interested again than an avoidant saying “I miss you”.

Always remember, missing and becoming interested again is not the same as “let’s get back together”. Until an avoidants tells you they want to try the relationship again, you’re officially not back together.

Take it slow and see where it leads. Make sure you are not repeating past mistakes but creating new pleasant memories. You have a better chance of getting back together if you take a “do over” approach rather than trying to continue from where the last relationship ended (fix/mend a broken relationship). But most importantly, keep working on yourself. The more secure and positive your vibe, the more relaxed and attractive you’re to an avoidant ex.

RELATED:

12 Signs Your Ex Is Breadcrumbing You Vs. Taking It Slow

How A Fearful Avoidant Ex Comes Back – A Detailed Analysis

What Makes A Dismissive Avoidant Ex Miss You And Come Back?

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160 Comments

  1. says: HeartInHand

    How come I just found this site? I spent 2 weeks on some ‘recover your ex girlfriend” site and every reply to comment questions is “first thing you need to do is go into a no contact “ WTF!

    I don’t want to do no contact. My ex suffers from extreme anxiety, one that she ends up in ER and the thought of doing no contact makes me sick. She has been through so much in her 27 years and even though she broke up with me, I am not angry with her and will not punish her for doing what was best for her. I am her best friend and she is mine, we care about each other not go out of our way to hurt the other.

    She knows I want her back but she wants to be friends for now, and that’s OK. I know in my heart she and I are meant to be together and will find our way back to each other. Right now, we both have personal issues we need to deal with. I m just beyond excited to have found advice that echoes how I feel. Thank you, Yangki

  2. says: Sana

    So, what is the best thing you can do when the ex is slowly warming up to you but you’re still unsure if they are actually regaining interest?

    1. Take it slow and see where it leads. Do not worry whether or not they’re responding in time. Just make sure you’re not repeating past mistakes but creating new pleasant memories. You have a better chance of getting back together if you take a “do over” approach rather than trying to continue from where the last relationship ended (fix/mend/recover a broken relationship).

  3. says: Rochelle

    First, your ebook is amazing. I’ve been following your advice to the t, persistently pushing but not too pushy. Now here is the tricky part, following your ebook, I sent him an email asking if he’d like to meet for coffee. He immediately sent a text back saying “I’ll do you better. Coffee and a walk by the park” and added a smiley face. This is what we always did when we were together. I don’t want to become too hopeful and push him away and also I’m a little scared that may be things are moving too fast. You did say to watch for this kind of situations because sometimes things can go too fast and end up going wrong too quickly. What do you think?

    1. I think…. GREAT! …(:

      Go for coffee and walk, and see what happens. The going too fast to no good is if this is your first face to face meeting and you end up heavy making-out or even having sex. While it might not matter so much (you’ve done it before, no surprises there), you don’t want it to be “the goal” of why he met you. As I write in the eBook, always leave the “there will be a next time” last impression.

      Other than that… have fun, and don’t worry too much about pushing him away. If you’re following the advice in the eBook, you won’t!

  4. says: Sidi

    You’re right. I do believe she is in love with me and all her other actions say so. I let my own insecurities get in the way. It’s time I show her I’m over it and want her in my life. I’ll keep you updated.

  5. says: Sidi

    I read the link you provided to the above commentor and it was very helpful. In my case the pulling away started from me. All the signs were there until she told me she had sex with another guy while we were broken up. I should have handled it better when she told me but I just couldn’t get my mind past her cheating and betrayal and kept pushing and pushing for details. Now we seem to have gone back to one text a day or none at all. Can things go back to the point where she’s interested again? How? Btw, she’s 39 and I’m 31.

    1. Yes, things can go back to the point where she’s interested again. What she needs is for you to show that you have moved on from it. You broke it off with her and she was probably trying to move on the best way she knew how to. Now you’re back together, it’s obvious that she’s wants to be with you and not him. So either you do the grown up thing and see this for what it is and that is, she did not cheat on you and she did not betray you (you were NOT in a relationship when it happened), or let her go and go your separate ways, which is a shame since there are many people who’d give anything to get an ex interested again.

  6. says: Galewa

    Yangki, you have really opened my eyes to so many things I had done wrong in my relationship and was continuing to do wrong trying to get my ex back. He felt neglected and taken for granted and I blamed him for ending things rather than working on us. Reading your articles and book, I realized that he did not make a “mistake” breaking up with me, he had very good reasons for doing so.

    I have been showing him I care about him enough to be willing to change. In the last month we have become closer. We even hang out 2-3 times a week and having dinner tomorrow night. I just wanted to say, thank you for being the wise and compassionate teacher that you are.

  7. says: Belinda

    I recently started talking to my ex again after 8 months. It started out innocent, I reached out to him because i heard he lost his mother. He responded right away and we sent texts for two weeks before we eventually decided to meet in person. There were obviously feelings still there because we flirted with each other and reminisced. He has initiated contact a few times now and we plan to go out again. What do you think, interest or My questions is, is there interest or is it too early to tell for my situation?

    1. It’s too early to tell for sure, but it’s a good start.

      Sometimes people who still have feelings for each other when they meet up again after a long time tend move a little too fast then things abruptly stop once the excitement of “coming together again” wears off. See what happens in the next few weeks… if things continue to progress.

  8. says: Kel

    My ex and I recently started communicating again. We’ve mostly talked about our lives and mutual friends. The other day he said something about how we used to love going to this coffee place. I was surprised because I thought he did not want to talk about the relationship. Does this mean that he is remembering the relationship and missing what we had? Could it be that he wants me back? It’s been 8 months since he broke up with me.

    1. It’s natural for an ex to remember the good things about the relationship and even say they miss those things. But it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re interested in re-igniting the relationship. You’d have to see a lot more “interest’ than this to conclude he wants you back.

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