14 Strong Signs Avoidant Ex Is Becoming Interested Again

Most exes with an avoidant attachment style after the breakup are distant and guarded. This can make is difficult to tell if they’re actually interested or just responding out of politeness.

And even when it seems like they’re interested, it sometimes feels like they’re breadcrumbing you, leading you on or even friend zoning you because they often don’t show their feelings.

In this article, I highlight some signs that an avoidant is becoming interested again. If you see at least more than 10 of these signs in your avoidant ex, then there’s no doubt that your avoidant ex is still interested or is becoming interested again —  even if they haven’t yet said anything to suggest they want you back.

1. Wants to keep the lines of communication open

An  avoidant wanting to keep the lines of communication open means that they don’t want to lose the connection you have. This a stronger sign with a fearful avoidant than with a dismissive avoidant because of a fearful avoidant’s fear of abandonment. They may be afraid that if the lines of communication close, they’ll reach out and you’ll not respond or that you will move on. Keeping the lines of communication open is their way of keeping the door open for getting back together in the future.

2. Talking to you all of a sudden

If they were in no contact and your avoidant ex starts talking to me all of a sudden or indirectly reach out here and there, it’s a sign that an avoidants misses you. But it’s not necessarily a sign an avoidant is becoming interested again. There are many instances of fearful avoidants exes who lean anxious missing an ex but are not emotionally invested in trying to make things work. But if an avoidant keeps popping up on your social media, posts indirect messages and tries to indirectly send you messages through friends or family all at once, it’s a sign that they miss you and are trying to get back in your life.

3. Interested in your life

When an avoidant goes from only responding or reaching out once in a while to texting regularly and even talking on the phone, it’s a strong sign that they’re becoming interested again. It means that they’re becoming comfortable having you in their daily life especially if they’re asking questions that show that an avoidant ex is interested in your life.

4. Lingers and doesn’t want to let you go

Avoidants typically end a conversation and drop text conversation abruptly but if an avoidant lingers in text and/or phone conversations, asks questions when a text chat or phone call is ending, lets you end conversations, texts you immediately after ending a phone call etc., a strong sign they miss you, miss talking to you and emotionally investing in the connection.

5. Shares intimate information 

If your conversations go from surface-level topics (how are you? how’s your day? how’s work? Etc..) to personal topics that include your lives, the people and things you both care about, everyday life or future plans or information they previously did not share with you, this is a good sign that an avoidant misses you and wants you to be a part of their life again.

6. Emotionally opens up

This is probably the most telling of all signs that an avoidant misses you and is becoming interested again. The tone, content, depth and emotion in your conversations is measure of an avoidant’s interest. I am not talking about the emotions or feelings about how they feel about you or getting back together. The emotions is letting you on their joys, upsets, frustrations, stress, confusion, etc. This is a sign that they feel emotionally safe around you. Feeling emotionally safe with you is a pre-requisite for getting back together.

7. Initiating contact

An avoidant can miss you but if they don’t initiate contact, it means that they’re still guarded and holding back. They will respond politely but will not reach out firs because reaching out shows interest and is a sign that an avoidant is willing to get out of their comfort zone and to take risks. So if you’re the one who has been initiating all contact, an avoidant is starting to initiate contact (regularly) is a good sign that they are warming up to you and taking responsibility for keeping the lines of communication open. The exception is if an avoidant initiates contact because they want favours, only for emotional support or sex.

8. Asks questions about your dating life

An avoidant is asking questions about how you are spending your time and/or if you are dating someone else is a strong sign that they never stopped thinking about you, miss you and interested in you again. They are trying to figure out if you are still available and/or if you’re still interested in them.

9. Teases and/or flirts with you

This is sign an avoidant misses you and wants you back only if things have been quite tense in the past. It means that things have moved to a more emotionally safe place. But it can also sometimes mean you’re friendzoned especially if your avoidant ex is a natural tease or flirt. Natural flirts tease and flirt whether they are interested in getting back together or not. It also doesn’t mean anything if one or both of you see sex as the goal of the teasing/flirting.

10. Open to meeting and/or hanging out

If you’ve been in contact via text or phone calls, moving things to face-to-face meeting or hanging out is an encouraging sign that feelings are still there, an avoidant is still attracted to you and becoming interested again. It does not mean they want to get back together (yet), it just means they’re comfortable being in your personal space, and if your meetings or hangout go really well with no major red flags, you avoidant ex will start to think that there is a possibility that the two of you will get back together.

11. Comfortable with physical touch

Physical touch is a strong sign of attraction and the amount and degree of physical contact suggests the attracted is still there and there’s a level of comfort an avoidant ex has with you. However is a little tricky as ex-sex can be very tempting even for people who have no intention of getting back together. Don’t assume that because an avoidant is getting all “hot” for you that they are emotionally warming up to you as well. The amount of physical touch should match the level of emotional connection, otherwise an avoidant may just want sex only.

12. Pulls away less

Avoidants pull away and push people away when they get too close. One of the major signs that an avoidant ex has missed you and wants you back is they push you away less and pull away less frequently and for shorter periods of time.

13. Talks about a future with you in it

If an avoidant is mentioning things that suggest that you will be in contact or in each other’s lives for a while, this is a sign that they’re becoming interested again. It is a sign that they’re leaving the door open for the possibility that they may change their mind as time goes on.

But listen for words like “remain friends”, “I don’t want us to hate each other”, “whatever happens”, “I only wish the best for you”, “You’re a special, any person would be lucky to have you”, etc. These are words common with exes who see you in their future but only as a friend. An avoidant may even be looking for closure and getting ready to move on. It’s not always the case, but more often than not.

14. Tells you they miss you

There’s no better sign that an avoidant is becoming interested again than an avoidant saying “I miss you”.

Always remember, missing and becoming interested again is not the same as “let’s get back together”. Until an avoidants tells you they want to try the relationship again, you’re officially not back together.

Take it slow and see where it leads. Make sure you are not repeating past mistakes but creating new pleasant memories. You have a better chance of getting back together if you take a “do over” approach rather than trying to continue from where the last relationship ended (fix/mend a broken relationship). But most importantly, keep working on yourself. The more secure and positive your vibe, the more relaxed and attractive you’re to an avoidant ex.

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