The 13 signs your man or ex has an anxious attachment style are so spot on; you’ll wonder how you missed the signs right from the beginning of the relationship. But maybe you didn’t miss the signs; you thought things would get better, but they didn’t.
An ex with an anxious attachment didn’t just become anxious and needy after the break-up
Many signs of an anxious attachment style were already there, the break-up just hyperactivated them.
Studies show that individuals with an anxious attachment style react with the most difficulties following a break-up. They report being more anxious, more depressed, more confused, more “cheated”, and more attached to their ex.
The need for contact, connection and closeness makes them engage in obsessive pursuit of an ex and in protest behaviours. They may text or call incessantly, send angry texts and may even stalk you. They may also unfriend or block you on social media, or post photos to try to make you jealous. Some of them even change their phone number after the break-up.
One of the common signs of an anxious attachment style is being needy
We all have our moments when we’re a bit needy; being needy becomes a problem when someone is needy all of the time. People with an anxious attachment style have an excessive need for contact, connection and closeness that often drives partners away.
Here are 13 signs your ex had an anxious attachment style right from the beginning of the relationship.
1. Signs of an anxious attachment – he always misses you
Even though this man is constantly around you, during those hours and days that you are apart, he floods you with messages about how he misses you, how he hates being apart, and how he can’t wait to see you next. It’s normal to miss people you haven’t seen in a while, but a clingy man will seem to miss you every single hour of the day. Though nice at first, this can quickly become annoying.
2. Signs of an anxious attachment – he’s all over your social networks
After just a few dates he sent you friend requests on every social network that you’re a part of. He’s liked all of your photos, posted photos of you to his page, and he’s even requested that you change your status and profile picture to include you. Clingy men are known for wanting to be included in every single part of your life.
3. Signs of an anxious attachment – he’s always talking to you
When a guy likes you and wants to let that be known, it’s not uncommon for him to send you a text message, call you, or email you to check up on you and ask how your day is going. However, you know a man is extremely needy when he stays in constant contact with you. He will text you every hour on the hour and he calls you as much as he can. A man who feels the need to talk to you 24/7 is definitely a needy man.
4. Signs of an anxious attachment – he wants to move things along quickly
After the first few dates, this man is talking about a future together and already has plans in his mind. When a man tries to move things along very quickly, it’s a good sign that he is needy. This man doesn’t want to wait to get things done and instead he’d rather do things right now. Moving the relationship way too quickly is red flag of a needy man.
5. Signs of an anxious attachment – he’s always sweet talking you
When you first meet a man, it’s not uncommon for him to sweet talk you and to compliment you, because every man wants to make a woman feel good, right? The issue arises when this man is sweet talking you 24/7. Every word that comes out of his mouth is laced in romance in some way or another. A man who constantly sweet talks a woman could definitely be needy or suspect — neither of which is good.
6. Signs of an anxious attachment – he gives ultimatums
Ultimatums and dating just don’t go together. If a man starts giving you ultimatums such as “hang out with me or go to the mall with your friends,” then it’s obvious that he is going to be one of those clingy men. When a man starts giving you ultimatums between him and them, then you’ve definitely found a needy one.
7. Signs of an anxious attachment – his friends no longer exist
When a relationship becomes serious, it’s not uncommon for you or your man to cancel plans with others every once in a while in order to spend time together. But an extremely needy man will cancel plans with his friends from day one and make his whole world about you — and expect you to do the same.
8. Signs of an anxious attachment – he wants to be exclusive ASAP
Even though the two of you hardly know each other yet, this man is already willing and ready to be exclusive. He’s desperate to be your man and he needs a woman in his life. Men who want to move quickly and want to have a woman at their sides are usually needy and clingy.
9. Signs of an anxious attachment – he enjoys arguing with you
Fights during a relationship are bound to happen. However, you may find that with a needy man, he enjoys arguing and fighting with you. A man who is clingy is more likely to want to fight constantly in order to make you feel inferior, which in his mind, will make you feel like you need him.
10. Signs of an anxious attachment – he’s okay being one of the girls (friendzone)
When it comes to dating and relationships, there is time that we spend alone, time we spend with our partners, and time we spend with our friends. If you have found a guy who is willing to be one of the girls in efforts to have as much time with you as possible, then he’s super needy. Any man who is willing to be part of your female circle of friends is clingy and clearly refuses to be without you.
11. Signs of an anxious attachment – he’s always asking for reassurance
Once you have been dating this guy for a while, you’ve noticed that he is always seeking reassurance. Every other day he is asking you to reconfirm that you’re interested in him or that you still find him attractive. A man who constantly seeks reassurance of your thoughts and feelings is surely a needy man, and an insecure one at that.
12. Signs of an anxious attachment – he does too much too soon
Men are always looking to impress the women they are after, so getting flowers on the first date or a man being extremely chivalrous early on isn’t anything unusual. Things become a bit weird when a man does too much too soon. On the first date you told him your favorite musician and a few dates later he presents concert tickets to you. Or you tell him about your favorite store and he gets you a $100 gift card soon after.
13. Signs of an anxious attachment – he questions your friends
So you two have spent a night out with all of your friends and as soon as you walk away for a second, this man immediately jumps to interrogating your girls. He wants to know what you have told them about you and what you can do to make things better. A clingy man will often seek reassurance from others as well in order to make himself feel like everything is okay.
PS: This post [appeared in Madame Noir] was originally about needy men. I personally think all the 13 signs applies to women too, and has implication when trying to attract back an ex with an anxious attachment.
If you are trying to attract back an ex with an anxious attachment style; it helps not only to understand their attachment style but also what drives it. You may find that you are doing many of the things that increase anxiety in an ex with an anxious attachment style.