The lines of communication are open, conversations are good, and your ex is even open to meeting once in a while. You want to trust you ex, but you also don’t want keep hoping if your ex is just being polite and friendly; and has no intentions of getting back together now or any time soon.
If it helps, almost everyone trying to attract back their ex goes through a period of questioning their ex’s interest.
At times it may seem like your ex is responding just enough to keep you reaching out. They want to make it seem like you’re more into them than they are into you.
The most difficult to read are exes who:
- Are generally nice people and don’t want to hurt anyone, especially you
- Will say or do anything to avoid any unpleasantness or drama
- Like the attention but are not interested in getting ack together
- Passive-aggressive by nature
- Are still attached to you in some way but not sure if they want you back
- Think you are now just friends (friendzoned)
If you strongly feel the need to know, directly and respectfully ask them if they are just being polite. You might come off reassurance or validation seeking, but there is also the possibility that your ex will be direct and honest with you.
If they are being friendly and polite, you want to know so you stop investing too much on an ex who is not coming back. Keep in mind that some of these signs overlap with the normal (and expected) signs of an ex being guarded and/or wanting to take things slow.
1. They don’t respond most of the time.
Some exes delay responding if they are taking things slow, or doing what avoidants do. But if contacts are weeks or months apart, it is mostly just friendly and polite contact at this point. Things may and can change with time.
2. Conversations are always one-sided.
In addition to initiating most of the contact, you are also doing more to keep a conversation going. If your ex responds, they respond with one word or very short sentences. There’s no give and take.
3. Conversations are always superficial.
Keeping things superficial is one way of being friendly and polite. They don’t want to go deep because that’s where feelings are. By keeping things superficial you ex is making sure that they remain at friendly and polite.
4. They rarely initiate contact.
Your ex always responds when you reach out but rarely initiate contact. And if they initiate it, it’s only to share news about mutual friends or work-related.
5. They avoid places they might run into you.
They find another gym or hangout if they think they’ll run into you. And if you ask them if they are going to be at a party or event you’re are going to, they are vague and say they are not sure, haven’t decided yet etc.
6. They avoid direct eye contact.
They’ll talk to you once you approach them and may even approach you to avoid any awkwardness, but barely make direct eye contact.
7. They’re always in a hurry to get away.
Friendly and polite exes intentionally limit how much time they give you. For instance, they’re always in a hurry to go somewhere or do something else.
8. They avoid talking about the relationship.
Your ex is open and talks to you about almost anything. However, there is one topic that is taboo, and that is getting back together. They don’t want to talk about it and they don’t want to hear it.
9. They don’t respond to flirting.
They’re so uncomfortable with anything that comes across as flirting, romantic or sexual in nature so much that that they immediately end the conversation. This is because friends don’t flirt with each other; and they don’t want to cross that line.
10. They keep reminding you “it’s over”.
Your ex says if you want to stop talking to them, they will understand. They know it must be hard for you but they also don’t want to send the wrong message or lead you on. What they are saying is that don’t forget it’s over, and I’m not coming back.
11. They’re actively dating again.
Your ex says they don’t mind you contacting them as long as you understand that they are in a new relationship. That said, your ex actively dating again is not not always a sign that your ex has moved on and keeping in touch out of politeness. Your ex may be dating and not seriously looking to get into a relationship, or just because they are single. It all depends on the other signs that they are interested in you again.
12. They are too polite.
Your is so polite that it feels uncomfortable. It’s like they are going out of their way to be nice to you out of pity.
A few of these signs means that your is guarded or taking things slow. This is normal in the initial stages of trying to attract them back. If you can get your ex to lower their guard down, trust you again, emotionally open up and become emotionally invested , you have a really good chance of attracting them back.