In the initial stages of trying to get your ex back, you may go through a period where you are not sure if your ex is being guarded or if they’re responding to your texts out of politeness.
The most difficult to read are exes who:
- are generally nice people and don’t want to hurt anyone, especially you
- will say or do anything to avoid any unpleasantness or drama
- enjoy the attention or playing mind games
- still attached to you in some way but not sure if they want you back
- think you are now just friends
If you are “brazen” enough, you could ask them directly but that can sometimes come off as needy or pathetic or desperate, especially if they are just being guarded until they feel emotionally safe to open up to you.
So here are some signs that give you a painfully accurate picture of what’s really going on. As mentioned above, many of these signs overlap with the normal (and expected) signs of an ex being guarded. But if you are seeing more than 8 of them, it’s very likely your ex is just being polite.
1. They don’t respond most of the time.
Responses are far and between; a ratio of 3-4 texts from you to 1 response from your ex.
2. The conversation is always one-sided.
When they respond, it’s usually one word or very short sentences. There’s no give and take.
3. The conversation is always superficial.
They don’t let you in on any personal information, and when you ask them anything personal, they avoid the question or stop responding.
4. You’re friends on social media, but that’s all.
They no longer comment on anything you post and when you comment on something they post, there is no acknowledgement.
5. They avoid places they might run into you.
They find another gym or hangout, and if they think you are going to be in the same party or event, they’ll cancel the moment they find out you will be there.
6. They avoid direct eye contact.
They’ll talk to you once you approach them and may even approach you to avoid any awkwardness, but barely make direct eye contact.
7. They’re always in a hurry to get away.
When you try to talk to them (text, phone or in person), they always seem to be in a hurry to go somewhere or do something else.
8. They avoid talking about the relationship.
They are happy to talk about everything else but any mention of the relationship, they shut down, change the topic or excuse themselves.
9. They don’t respond to flirting.
They’re are uncomfortable with anything that may come across as flirting, romantic or sexual.
10. They keep reminding you “it’s over”.
They keep telling you they don’t want to send the wrong message, and want you to always keep in mind that it’s over.
11. They’re actively dating again.
Just dating again is not always a sign that your ex has moved on (see my article: Facts About Rebound Relationships). But if they get unnecessarily upset when you mention their dating life, ot are overly protective of that personal information, they are telling you to mind your own business.
12. They are too polite.
Their politeness is almost uncomfortable. It’s like they are going out of their way to be “nice” to you out of pity.
Just a few of these signs means you may still have a chance, if you can get your ex to lower their guard down, trust you again, and emotionally open up (See my article: Fast Track Getting Back Your Ex With This Move).