If you are doing these 10 things, you need to stop them right now because you may be pushing your ex away forever. You think you’re trying to get your ex back, but what you’re doing is turning off your ex.
1. Chase, beg and plead with your ex
This is the first thing many of us to do to try to get our ex back.
Imagine you’re at a store. You see a child crying, begging, pleading, and throwing a tantrum because the mother says he can’t have candy. What do you think is going through the mother’s head? Certainly not “look at my baby, how cute!”
Same thing. You are not attractive begging and pleading; but it’s even worse, you’re pushing your ex away, maybe forever.
2. Buy your ex gifts
If buying your ex gifts in an attempt to get them back isn’t trying to “buy love”, then I don’t know what else does.
Buying your ex gifts sends the wrong message not just about you, but about the relationship. Most people with a little bit of self-respect will not accept gifts given out of desperation. And if at all you get back together, a relationship that starts off with material or monetary gratification can only be sustained with material or monetary gratification.
Some exes will take what your “gifts” and still say “no”. You only have yourself to blame.
3. Write your ex a “love” letter
When you are in so much pain, writing your ex a letter telling your ex how much you love them; and will do anything to get them back makes so much sense. If they can see how much you love them, they’ll want you back, right? Wrong, writing your ex a letter may actually push them away forever.
The only person who wants to hear that they’re still loved is you. Your ex doesn’t want to hear about your love and your dying heart. Your ex even probably knows you love them; but it doesn’t matter because your love means little if they were not happy in the relationship; they’re still angry and/or they think you’re just being needy and clingy.
In some cases, these letters can quickly spiral to more hurt and pain. Your ex responds but is extremely negative and you just can’t help (you are hurting) but respond with a negative commentary of your own. Next thing you know you are trading blame or insults when all you wanted to do was tell your ex how much you love him or her.
4. Stalk your ex
Many people will not admit they’re stalking their ex, so let’s call it “accidentally” running into your ex.
Once… yeah, maybe an “accident”. Twice… uhmm… freaky stuff happens. Three times… who are we kidding? You’re stalking your ex and probably scaring the hell out of him/her.
Only crazy people stalk others. Showing up on your ex’s doorstep, street, workplace, favourite hang out, or gym in an effort to meet him/her face-to-face may be one of the biggest mistakes of trying to get your ex back because it’s invading someone’s physical space. Most people feel threatened and afraid for their safety (and the safety of those they love).
5. Tell your ex you’ll change or you’ve changed
You need to stop telling your ex that you will change or have changed. Besides sounding so desperate, what makes you think your ex is going to believe you? Why now? Why didn’t you change before they broke up with you?
Most people don’t believe others can change and even those who believe others can change understand that it takes time, but more importantly, it takes work. And you may have done the work, but pushing “I have changed” on your ex will only push your ex further away, maybe even forever. Your ex needs to see the changes over time, not feel like they’re being sold snake oil.
6. Tell your ex you want to start afresh
Telling your ex you want to start afresh may not push your ex away forever. It may actually good for you, but you must be able to answer “Start afresh how?”
Your ex may even listen to what you have to say and promise to think about it, but next time you ask them if they thought about starting afresh, they’ll say, “I don’t know…” (and they are right). Your ex can’t envision the picture of the better future you are trying to paint with just words. They can’t see what you see (or think you see).
7. Tell your ex “I just want to be friends”
On the surface this sounds very understanding, patient and committed to making the relationship work. But many exes are suspicious of an ex who says “I just want to be friends”. They know that you want them back.
The other problem with going to your ex and offering friendship is that your ex may assume that friendship is all you really want. You make it harder for yourself later when you attempt to get back together . Your ex may throw “I just want to be friends” in your face or feel deceived.
Unless your ex asks you to move or suggests that it could work if distance wasn’t a problem, relocating to where your ex lives is almost as bad as stalking. It especially hurts your chances if you are moving to another country where you have no friends or job. If your ex doesn’t completely ignore you, the stress of making sure you’re okay will slowly erase whatever feelings your ex might have had for you.
Your ex may even start resenting you if your presence somehow interferes with him/her seeing other people.
If the reason you broke up is because you were not ready to take things to the next level, proposing to get your ex back raises red flags. Why now? What has changed?
Wanting to get married because you fear losing someone is not a good reason to get married. Some may even take it as an insult that you think they are so desperate to get married. But more importantly, there may have been good reasons for you not to want to take things to the next level, and making a rush decision because you want your ex back will be something you may regret for the rest of your miserable life.
10. Play mind games
You may think, maybe if I don’t contact my ex and just disappear from the face of the earth they’ll miss me and want me back. In your head it sounds like a brilliant idea. In reality, when you’re broken up, out of sight can be exactly what your ex needs to move on. Life goes on after a break-up!