It seems that these days, everyone is writing about their experience of dating or being in a relationship with a narcissistic boy/girlfriend, spouse, partner or ex. I myself have written one article on selfish boy/girlfriends.
While there are men and women who are 1) incapable of love, 2) who don’t know how to open their hearts to love and 3) who don’t want to give love, there are just as many men and women who are incapable of and don’t know how to receive love.
Many pride themselves in being independent, secure and not needy or clingy, even aloof and distant. But while there is nothing wrong with being independent, secure (these are desirable traits we all must strive to have if we want to experience healthy and fulfilling relationships), sometimes, these wonderful traits can actually stand in the way of what we so badly want — a healthy and fulfilling relationship.
Deep inside you may want so badly for someone to love you, but your actions send the message “Don’t give me your love, I’m incapable of receiving it.”
You’re are rejecting, closed off and unreceptive to receiving love when:.
1. You’re too proud to show how you truly feel about someone. You believe that showing/telling someone how you truly feel about them is a weakness.
2. You have your own set preconceived ideas as to how love should be given, and reject any other way it is being given;
3. You’re afraid of feeling vulnerable which often happens automatically when you open yourself to receive.
4. You tell people who love you that you do not believe they really love you even when they are doing all the things you’re asking for.
5. You complain the other person never demonstrates his/her love enough or “right”, but when he/she attempts to be open – in his/her own way, you respond in a hurtful way.
6. You put on a performance of “receiving” without actually receiving it. You accept physically but don’t receive in your mind and heart.
7. You quickly give back to counter the love or expressions of love you have just been given.
8. You hold back accepting affection and intimacy because you fear that if you enjoy it too much and it’s taken away, it’ll hurt. It’s happened before, many times in fact.
9. You give and withhold love as away to manipulate or punish.
10. You end a relationship because you think you’re offering the other person a chance to walk away from you.
Without you intending it, and despite the fact that what you really want is a loving relationship, inability to receive or refusing to receive love the way it is given communicates an unwillingness to be open to what the other person is trying to give you. You can only close someone out for so long, at some point they’ll walk out of your life.