There are certain challenges with trying to get back someone struggling with anxiety, depression, and/or alcohol that many other relationships do not have, or are not as big an issue as with an ex with anxiety, depression, and/or has a problem with alcohol.
One of those challenges is dealing with his/her fear that the relationship will not work.
Unlike other “get your ex back” situations where the person is afraid to try things again because he/she thinks or believes that YOU have not changed, some exes especially those suffering from high anxiety and/or a depression fear that the relationship will not work because of THEM.
Some exes will be honest with you and tell you they are not capable of a relationship, but most will just pull away and leave you wondering what you did wrong. Trying to get them to “talk” about what is happening is almost impossible.
Does this mean your relationship does not have a chance?
Not in my book. Even people struggling with anxiety, depression, and/or alcohol problems are capable of love, and can have “happy” and fulfilling relationships.
It’s not easy to love or be in a relationship with them, but these kinds of relationships do work:
1. If the person struggling with anxiety or depression has faced up, or is willing to face up to his/her struggles, and has sought or is willing to seek professional help.
Most people with this problem are pretty good at hiding it from people they love because they don’t want others to see them as fragile or vulnerable. If you suspect that your ex has anxiety, depression, and/or an alcohol, DO NOT jump in and try to take charge of him/her “problem”. That will make him/her even pull further away. Instead encourage him/her to seek help. Bring it up in a gentle and friendly way. Something like: “You don’t seem to have energy. Do you feel OK? Why don’t you get checked out?”.
2. You TRULY understand what you are dealing with.
As hard as it is, if you love him/her, you have to learn as much if not more about your ex’s struggles. You should do all you can to understand what you are up against, and to be involved in his/her struggle so that you can understand what is happening. This will make it easier to handle problems in your relationship.
3. You can tell when the relationship is plain toxic and when it’s the anxiety and depression that you are dealing with.
The nature of the chemical imbalances that result in alcohol dependency, anxiety and depression is that often the person gets overwhelmed when he/she feels that he/she is expected to deal with what he/she feels he/she can not deal with. At times like this, they feel that they are better off on their own because they don’t feel the pressures to be a certain way or do certain things required of someone in a relationship. Times like this, it’s easy to think the person is just being selfish.
4. You know and have accepted that he/she is prone to perceptual distortions and will have a tendency of over analyze your relationship and find reasons why the two of you shouldn’t be together.
Most people struggling with anxiety, depression, and/or alcohol have had a number of failed relationships in their lifetime, and are more likely to be obsessed with their past failures. Their obsession with past failures often leads them to be in constant search for some type of flaw or weakness in the relationship. Doubt and discontentment are consequence of this over vigilance.
5. You are okay with the fact that from time to time he/she will distance him/herself from you, won’t call and take your calls or answer your emails.
Most people struggling with anxiety, depression, and/or alcohol are almost scared of someone loving or caring for them. They are afraid that you will not be able to handle their problem, and often feel (and even say) that they do not deserve you and that you are better of with someone else.
When he/she distances, you’ve got to find a way to get him/her to allow you into his/her world/struggles without adding more pressure or further overwhelming him/her with your own emotions and/or issues.