10 Warning Signs Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend Is Selfish

Selfishness is a difficult trait to identify early on in the relationship. There will be many signs that your boyfriend or girlfriend is selfish; but unless something so obvious happens like them refusing to share their dinner or her popcorn at the movies; we don’t see them as selfish.

More and more studies show that selfless behaviour is a sexually attractive trait when choosing a partner. Both men and women – but more so women – show a strong preference in a partner who typically displays selflessness towards others. One such a study is by Dr Tim Phillips from the University of Nottingham and Institute of Psychiatry, King’s College, London. The results are published in the British Journal of Psychology.

Some studies even show that men and women who put themselves at risk to help someone else are better lovers; in and out of the bedroom.

So how can you tell earlier on that you may be falling for a selfish man or woman? Here are 10 waring signs that your boyfriend or girlfriend is selfish:

1. Self-absorbed 

Even on a first date, they mostly talk about themselves; what they like, need and want in a partner. This is usually the first sign that your boyfriend or girlfriend is selfish. What you like, need and want doesn’t seem to matter. In the relationship, it’s always “me” over “we.”

2. Their way or no way

They only relate to how things affect them personally and have no ability to see or relate to how you or others perceive things differently.

3. No accountability

They don’t consider the impact of their actions on others (you included). When you point out how their words/actions are “hurting” you, they just can’t make the link between their words/actions and how you feel.

4. Bad listener

They want you to listen, give emotional support and even worry about how they feel; but they never take time to listen to how you feel or listen to your opinion. What you think or feel is not important. When you point this out you’re told you’re being “selfish” for wanting them to pay attention.

5. Take and take

They give only when they expect to get something back in return. More often than not, expecting more than they are willing to give.

6. Entitled

They have an entitlement mentality often followed by selfish demands and outbursts or emotional blackmail. They withdraw attention and affection when they don’t get what they feel they’re entitled to (i.e. your attention and affection).

7. Do only what’s convenient to them

It doesn’t matter what it is that you ask, if it’s not convenient to them, they will always say “no”.  They always has a reason as to why they don’t feel like doing anything for you or can’t do what you ask. All the reasons are always your fault r someone else’s fault.

8. Never keep promises

They always make promises they don’t keep. Either consciously or sub-consciously they always seem unable to “remember” a commitment they made and may even blame you for their failure to meet a responsibility.

9. Manipulative

They see nothing wrong with manipulating, exploiting and even taking advantage of others to achieve one’s own ends. The end justifies the means, even if the means hurts someone else.

10. Lack empathy

They lack empathy and make no apologies about it.

RELATED: Your Ex Says You’re Selfish But Are You Really Selfish?

Join the Conversation


  1. says: Brooke

    I’ve been dating this guy for 3 years now. He still says he can’t commit and has many other women on the side. When I ask him about them he says it’s no-strings attached sex and he’s not going to refuse it when they’re offering. I’m 38 and he’s the only man I’ve really able to love but he is so selfish that two weeks when I was hospitalized for 3 days he never even showed up. I almost died and he was with one of his other women. When I brough it up he said “but you’re okay now”. I don’t want to play mind games or be manipulative but is it possible to force him to leave all these other women and commit to our relationship? Or should I just walk away now?

    1. says: Love Doctor, Yangki Akiteng

      I feel the frustration and pain in your comment. I understand that sometimes feelings can be irrational but this guy has showed you that he couldn’t care less whether you lived or died. I don’t know how you can even convince yourself that you can “force” someone to be who they’re not capable of being. I think you owe yourself better.

  2. says: Mike

    Sounds like a perfect description of my ex. If we had any problem, hurt feeling, or miscommunication that was even slightly my fault, I was threatened with a break-up, berated or outright dumped. Any concern that I had with her ( no matter how minor), was quickly turned around onto me, to the point where I would start apologizing to her after she did something wrong.

  3. says: Bonnie

    It seems like everyone these days feels entitled to something: material things, love, respect, trust, relationships etc. even though they have done absolutely nothing to earn it.

Leave a comment
Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *