Like most people, you probably have a few ideas of your own on what you think you need to do to get your ex back.
1. Chase, beg and plead with your ex
This is the first thing many of us to do to try to get our ex back.
Imagine you’re at a store. You see a child crying, begging, pleading, and throwing a tantrum because the mother says he can’t have candy. What do you think is going through the mother’s head? Certainly not “look at my baby, how cute!”
Same thing. You don’t look cute crying, begging and pleading.
2. Buy your ex gifts
If this doesn’t look like trying to “buy love”, then I don’t know what else does.
Buying your ex gifts sends the wrong message not just about you, but about the relationship. Most people with a little bit of self-respect will not accept gifts given out of desperation. And if at all you get back together, a relationship that starts off with material or monetary gratification will be imbalanced. Most don’t last long.
3. Write your ex a “love” letter
When you are in so much pain, writing your ex a letter telling him/her how much you love them and will do anything to get them back makes so much sense. If they can see how much you love them, they’ll want you back… right?
Problem with that is, the only person who wants to hear that they’re still loved is you. Your ex doesn’t want to hear about your love and your dying heart. Your ex even probably knows you love him/her, but it doesn’t matter because your love means little if they were not happy in the relationship, they’re still angry and/or they think you’re just being needy and clingy.
4. Stalk your ex
Many people will not admit they’re stalking their ex, so let’s call it “accidentally” running into your ex. Once yeah, may be an “accident” but twice, who are we kidding? You’re stalking your ex and scaring the hell out of him/her.
Only crazy people stalk others. Showing up on your ex’s doorstep, street, workplace, favourite hang out, or gym in an effort to meet him/her face-to-face may be one of the biggest mistakes of trying to get your ex back. Because it’s more personal than texting or calling, you’re ex will feel threatened/afraid for his/her safety (and the safety of those they love).
5. Tell your ex you’ll change or you’ve changed
Besides sounding so desperate, what makes you think your ex is going to believe you? Why now? Why didn’t you change before they broke up with you??
Most people don’t believe others can change and even those who believe others can change understand that it takes time, but more importantly, it takes work.
6. Tell your ex you want to start afresh.
That’s a good one, but start afresh how? Your ex may even listen to what you have to say and promise to think about it. But next time you ask them if they thought about starting afresh, they’ll still say “it can’t work”. Your ex can’t envision the picture of the better future you are trying to paint with just words. They can’t see what you see.
7. Tell your ex “I just want us to be friends.”
On the surface this sounds very understanding, patient and committed to making the relationship work. The problem with going to your ex and offering friendship is that your ex may assume that friendship is all you really want. You make it harder for yourself because when you attempt to get back together he/she may throw it in your face or feel deceived.
Unless your ex asks you to move or suggests that it could work if distance wasn’t a problem, relocating to where your ex lives is almost as bad as stalking. It especially hurts your chances if you are moving to another country where you have no friends or job. If your ex doesn’t completely ignore you, the stress of making sure you’re okay will slowly erase whatever feelings your ex might have had for you.
Your ex may even start resenting you if your presence somehow interferes with him/her seeing other people.
If the reason you broke up is because you were not ready to take things to the next level, proposing to get your ex back will raise red flags. Why now?
Some may even take it as an insult that you think they are so desperate to get married. But more importantly, there may have been good reasons for you not to want to take things to the next level, making a rush decision because you want your ex back will be something you may regret for the rest of your miserable life.
10. Now, you may be thinking it may be best to say nothing at all, may be even cut off contact for a while, just to be safe.
Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder, but so very rarely with an ex. When you’re broken up, out of sight can be exactly what your ex needs to move on.
See my articles: Is It Wrong T Do No Contact? and Absence Does Not Make Your Ex’s Heart Grow Fonder