We all know that we can’t force someone to love you, but that hasn’t stopped some of us from trying.
Even the language we commonly use (including many dating and relationship experts ) is that of trying to make someone love us by will power, manipulation or simply force.
We talk of making him/her comply, submit, cave in, etc. But it is not that we just talk about dating and relationships in these terms, this is what we do.
We try to force our way into someone’s heart or life.
We think we’re just “determined” but end up pushing the other person away. Some of us even believe that we know what the other person wants (even if they don’t), and we’re it. But quite often we end up with a relationship that’s only in our heads, the reality is very different.
Here are 10 signs that you are forcing your relationship to be what it is not.
1. You feel that you always have to beg, impress, persuade, convince, manipulate, or work a trick or technique to get the other person to agree or comply.
2. The responsibility for sustaining the relationship rests solely on you.
3. You get overly anxious and/or fearful just thinking about “saying” or “doing” anything that relates to the relationship.
4. You use “rewards” (compliments, gifts etc) to get the other person to participate in the relationship.
5. You withhold relevant facts, stretch the truth a little bit, say only the “right” things etc. to get a desired outcome.
6. You use the other persons fears, anxiety and insecurities, or threaten them with regrettable consequences if they don’t comply.
7. You’re always reacting to situations the way you feel rather than the way you should respond (lots of regrets).
8. The other person is always complaining that you do not/did not show consideration for their feelings or concerns.
9. You argue or fight over little things and/or unimportant issues.
10. The relationship feels like fighting your way through a brick wall.
There are times when we HAVE to do things to make a relationship happen, but if you find yourself feeling like imposing your will on the other person is the only way the relationship can work, you are no longer DOING what you should be doing to make a relationship work, you are forcing your way into his/her heart and life.
When you try to push your way in, you struggle. When you struggle, you break the relationship.