10 Signs You Are Obsessed With Your Ex (Attachment Anxiety)

If you’re here reading this, chances are you still have strong feelings for your ex, and want them back .Chances are also that you can’t stop thinking about your ex; to a point that you have become obsessed with your ex.

Grief, sadness, sense of loss, thinking about an ex and sometimes longing for an ex are all a normal part of processing break-up pain, hurt and emotions. Nearly everyone experiences this. But when you spend an excessive amount of time thinking about your ex and the break-up; and craving or tying to get back your ex, you have moved away from normal grief to obsession.

Some people are more prone to becoming obsessed with an ex than others. These people usually have an anxious attachment style. If you are not aware of attachment styles, I have included a link below that describes an anxious attachment style.

An anxious attachment style makes you needy, clingy and predisposed to worrying, overthinking and overanalyzing relationships. When a relationship ends, you become obsessed with thoughts of your ex. Sometimes the obsession with your ex doesn’t end with just thinking about your ex.

Here are 10 signs you are obsessed with your ex.

1) Difficulty accepting the break-up

You know you’re broken up but your brain hasn’t yet caught up with reality; it feels just like you are still together. You can’t bring yourself to get rid of reminders of your ex. Even your phone and computer screen still has the photo of your ex; or of the two of you together.

2) Over-contacting your ex

Repeatedly texting, emailing, or calling your ex to appoint that you are harassing your ex is obsessive.

Two or three text messages or calls when an ex is not answering is not a sign that you are obsessed with your ex. But four five, six unanswered messages; or texting your ex when they have made it clear they do not want contact is a sign you are obsessed with your ex.

3) Feeling like your life is over

You completely enmeshed your identity with your ex and wrapped yourself in your ex’s life. The end of the relationship feels like the end of your life. You feel like without your ex, you have nothing to live for.

4) Checking your ex’s social media

Monitoring your ex on social media is consuming most of your time. Try as you can, you just can’t help yourself from wanting to see what they are doing and with whom.

5) Wanting revenge

The obsession is from feeling that your ex owes you. You put so much into the relationship, feel somehow “cheated” and want your ex to pay in some way.

6) Stalking your ex

You keep trying to see, meet or run into your ex because you’re convinced that it’ll make them want a relationship.

7) Selective memory

You think about only the good parts of the relationship; ignoring why the relationship didn’t work.

8) Feeling overly jealous

You are consumed with thoughts of your ex moving on and finding someone new. The thought of your ex with someone else sends you into panic mode, and makes you feel inadequate and worthless.

9) Fantasizing about getting back together

You keep telling yourself your ex loves you and must miss you even when the reality is that your ex isn’t showing any interest in you. You are also willing to do anything and everything your ex says they want you to do even if it’s at the expense of your emotional health or financial well-being (and/or may hurt you in someway in the future).

10) Difficulty letting go

The very idea of letting go of your ex makes you anxious and depressed. You also have a pattern of staying too long in bad relationships.

If these signs that you are obsessed with your ex apply to you, I suggest getting professional help. Obsession with someone makes you extremely vulnerable to emotional abuse by a selfish, narcissistic and manipulative ex.


Attachment Anxiety – How to Stop Overanalyzing Relationships

Why An Anxious Preoccupied Ex Can’t Stop Loving You (Let You Go)

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8 replies on “10 Signs You Are Obsessed With Your Ex (Attachment Anxiety)”
    1. says: Yangki Akiteng

      Spend time on this site and you’ll learn how. Balancing closeness and respect for the other’s boundaries is exactly what the site is about.

  1. says: Louise

    I’m trying to find the link to the emotionally stronger you course you mention but when I click it just goes back to the main page. Is there a different link or could you email me the link? It sounds like something I really could use.

    1. The course is temporarily discontinued due to a busy schedule. I was supervising the course, responding to questions and giving advice all by myself (in addition to coaching and maintaining this site) and got a little overwhelmed. Someone told me I was superwoman, he lied!… 🙂

      I am looking for better ways of delivery and also some help, and will have the course available again soon.

  2. says: Coolcode

    After relentlessly texting and calling me for a week, my ex said she would not contact me anymore and I should not contact her. She didn’t contact me and I didn’t contact her for 3 mos. A couple of weeks ago I received a text from her but I didnt respond. Within a period of 2 weeks I’ve received 8 texts that went from nice and friendly to angry and mean to begging me to respond. I have no “missing’ or “longing for” feeling for her and was relieved that she was out of my life. Do I continue to ignore her texts or respond to tell her to move on?

    1. She probably bought into “Absence makes the heart fonder” thing and is finding out that it’s not always the case.

      If you ignore her, she’ll eventually get the message. But if you want the texts to stop immediately, it might be a good idea to tell her you’re not interested, and want the texts to stop. That’s what I’d do…

  3. says: Hashim

    Dear yangki;
    Thank you very much for the nice article.Recently i broke up with my girlfriend and after reading your article i find Some of the fact mentioned by you applies to my situation..therefore could you please suggest me some ways to work out on my being needy and clingy..for which i shall remain grateful to you.

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