10 Indicators You’ll Be Drawn Back To Each Other

Question: My ex and were in love and he broke it off because he fell out of love. We both cried and he said he still loved me but did not feel the same. In your work, have you really seen relationships where someone says they still love you but have fallen out of love? I’m not trying to get her back, just wanted to know if you’ve seen cases of people falling back in love after falling out of love? What are the signs that there is even a chance of that happening? I am specifically looking for some important factors that cause two people to gravitate towards each other or increase one’s chances.

Yangki’s Answer: YES, I’ve seen two people fall back in love after falling out of love. I have seen hundreds of dating and formerly married couples fall back in love a few months after a break-up and I have seen exes that fall back in love after years apart.

Each relationship is different and each couple is different. Some relationships have a better foundation and others were nothing but a series of one night stands. Some relationships have nothing except assumptions, neediness and stress, and others were great relationships that ended because two people failed to grow the relationship, fell into a routine or just took each other for granted.

Just as there are many reasons why two people who love each other fall out of love, there are also many factors at play that lead to exes being drawn back to each other and falling in love again. Here are just 10 of the common ones.

1.  How long you were in a relationship

People who’ve been in a relationship for a longer period of time tend to stand a better chance because of the bond created over time.

2. How serious your relationship was

If you have both introduced each other to your closest friends/family and if their reaction was positive, the encouragement (or pressure) from your social support networks often works to your advantage. The opposite is also true.

3.  Why you broke up

This one is a big one. Some reasons for a break-up are easily reconcilable and others are deal breakers. The deal breakers often include: no feelings of attraction, feeling that the relationship is wrong or that the other is not the right person, conflict in life styles and goals etc.

4. How you broke up

People who consider their break up mutual or amiable are more likely to keep in touch than where a break up was nasty. They are also more likely to remember and reminisce on the positive things about the relationship, what could have been done better etc. This may lead to wanting to try and see if they can do it better.

5.  What changes each has made since breaking up

Unless an ex believes the relationship will be different/better than what they walked away from, they see no point in getting back together.

6. Whether or not one (or both of you) is seeing/dating someone else

If your ex is with someone else, they may not be in a hurry to get back together because they want to see if the other relationship offers more. A lot depends on whether the relationship is serious or is a rebound and more importantly, if you can show your ex that what you offer is better.

7. Where they place a relationship in the list of their priorities

After a break-up most people tend to pour all their time and energy onto something else e.g. personal development, spiritual pursuits, career, hobby, social networking etc. These can become attractive alternatives and will require more effort and resourceful on your part to be able to inject yourself into your ex’s “new life”.

8. What you’ve tried to do to get your ex back

Some things people do to try to get their ex back actually make it impossible to get an ex back. They either confirm what the ex does not want about you or brings out the worst in you that your ex did not even know existed.

9. Geography/proximity

Men and woman in long distance relationships may face additional relationship uncertainty which may influence the desire to try again or thwart attempts to make it work. On the other hand, distance if used correctly is a positive ingredient for ‘starting a fresh”.

10. Ability to handle uncertainty

Vague statements, conflicting signals and shifting positions often get many people so stressed out that they start acting in counter-productive ways. Men and women who are better able to detect (sometimes it’s just your gut instinct), the inconsistent or contradicting information or signals from an ex and use that to elicit cooperation have a better chance of turning things around.

These are just the common factors that influence the chances of gravitating towards each other. Like I said, each relationship is different and each couple is different. With a little careful planning, a good strategy, patience and consistency, most situations can be turned around.

Bottom line, don’t lose hope and give up if you haven’t given love a real chance.

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  • Yangki, you site is a Godsend. I am a 38 yo woman who has had bad lack with men until I met my ex. We dated for 11 months and I thought we were close. At the breakup he told me he didn’t think he knew me/I knew him. Reading your articles I realize that we moved too first. We moved in a month after we met, three months in we started having problems. We broke up 2 times because he felt I was pushing him. This last break was 5 weeks ago. We still care for each other and have agreed for now to be friends and see where it goes. You could say I am dating my ex 🙂

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    • Yes. You are dating your ex… 😉

      Take it slow this time. It’s better to build a relationship than try to get into one.

      If it helps, I am sending you love-energy re-enforcement.

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  • My ex of more than 5 years texted me and wants to see me. We have been broken up for more than 2 years, and had minimal contact over the years. We both have been dating other people but my relationship ended 3 months ago. I’m not sure whether seeing him is a good thing or not. I still have feelings for him, I don’t know if he has feelings for me or even if he is still with his girlfriend. Any advice would really help. Thank you.

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    • If he is a good guy when you dated (not abusive etc) and you still have feelings for him and feel strong enough (emotionally) to meet him, then meet him and see what it’s all about. If he shows interest but is still with his girlfriend, remind him of that fact… but leave the door open for when he is single again.

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  • I strongly believe that anyone not interested in mind games and manipulation and anyone looking to build a healthy relationship, should be reading this site.

    You are the only person whose advice I have read and feel truly cares about the people you are helping. Most so called relationship gurus and authors of get your ex back books are only interested in power and making themselves look all knowing and important. I’m especially talking about those advocating “no contact” and demand that one strictly adheres to their rules and program or else they will suffer dire consequences. They remind me of my control-freak dad.

    I like that you explain what can happen and let someone decide if they want to take your advice or not. You are a true teacher.

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