Question: My question is simple, what are some of the indicators that can tell the chances of getting back together with an ex? We were deeply in love but he broke it off last week because of distance. We both cried, he said he still loved me but did not feel the same being so part for long periods of time. In your work, have you really seen relationships where someone says they still love you but have fallen out of love? I still love him and want to know if you’ve seen cases of people falling back in love after falling out of love? What are the signs that there is even a chance getting him back? What factors influence those chances? I am specifically looking for some important factors like distance if it plays a role.
Yangki’s Answer: YES, I’ve seen two people fall back in love after falling out of love. I have seen hundreds of dating and formerly married couples fall back in love a few months after a break-up; and I have seen exes that fall back in love after years apart.
Each relationship is different and each couple is different. Some relationships have a better foundation and others were a series of one night stands. Other relationships have nothing except assumptions, neediness and stress; and others were great relationships that ended because two people failed to grow the relationship. Some people slowly gravitate back towards each other and others fall right back where they left it off.
Just as there are many reasons why two people who love each other fall out of love, there are also many factors that influence the chances of getting back together with your ex.
Here are just 10 of the common factors that influence your chances of getting back together with your ex.
1. How long you were in a relationship
People who’ve been in a relationship for a longer period of time tend to stand a better chance because of the bond created over time.
2. How serious your relationship was
If you have both introduced each other to your closest friends/family and if their reaction was positive, the encouragement (or pressure) from your social support networks often works to your advantage. The opposite is also true.
3. Why you broke up
This one influence the chances of getting back together with your ex the most. Some reasons for a break-up are easily reconcilable and others are deal breakers. The deal breakers often include: no feelings of attraction, feeling that the relationship is wrong or that the other is not the right person, conflict in life styles and goals etc.
4. How you broke up
People who consider their break up mutual or amiable are more likely to keep in touch; than where a break up was nasty. They are also more likely to remember and reminisce on the positive things about the relationship. This may lead to wanting to try and see if they can do it better.
5. What changes each has made since breaking up
Next t why you broke up; your chances of getting back together with your ex depend on if your ex believes the relationship will be different/better than what they walked away from, they see no point in getting back together.
6. Whether or not one (or both of you) is seeing/dating someone else
If your ex is with someone else, they may not be in a hurry to get back together because they want to see if the other relationship offers more. A lot depends on whether the relationship is serious or is a rebound and more importantly, if you can show your ex that what you offer is better.
7. Where they place a relationship in the list of their priorities
After a break-up most people tend to pour all their time and energy onto something other than an ex; For example, personal development, spiritual pursuits, career, hobby, social networking etc. These can become attractive alternatives and will require more effort and resourceful on your part to be able to inject yourself into your ex’s “new life”.
8. What you’ve tried to do to get your ex back
Some things people do to try to get their ex back actually make it impossible to get an ex back. They either confirm what the ex does not want about you or brings out the worst in you that your ex did not even know existed.
Couple in long distance relationships may face additional relationship uncertainty; which may influence the the chances of getting back together with your ex. On the other hand, distance if used correctly help ignite attraction and ‘starting a fresh”; on the other hand, it hinders it.
10. Ability to handle uncertainty
Vague statements, conflicting signals and shifting positions often get many people so stressed out. They start acting in counter-productive ways. Men and women who are better able to detect (sometimes it’s a gut instinct), the inconsistent or contradicting information or signals from an ex; and use that to elicit cooperation have a better chance of turning things around.
These are just the common factors that influence the chances of gravitating towards each other. Like I said, each relationship is different and each couple is different. With a little careful planning, a good strategy, patience and consistency, most situations can be turned around.
Bottom line, don’t lose hope and give up if you haven’t given love a real chance.
Will Your Ex Come Back – Based On Your Ex’s Attachment Style
Yangki, just wanted to let you know that my ex and I are back together. We have been back together for a month and things couldn’t be better. Your coaching helped me realize what I needed to change and I can truly say I’m different now. I used to be so worried and anxious all the time. I’m more relaxed, don’t overreact and have learned to live in the moment. I am much more independent and not needy. Our communication is so much better and more open. Of course there is no such a thing as a perfect relationship but this time is close. So thank you!
It’s always heart-warming to read stories like yours, and I accept the thanks. But as they say, any advice is only as good as the person using it. You made it happen for you.
And you’re right, there is no such a thing as a perfect relationship, but there are relationships that are close to perfect.
I am happy for you! All the VERY best.