10 Emotions That Make Your Ex Attracted To You (Gratitude)

The No.3 emotion that makes your ex feel attracted to you is gratitude

Gratitude when trying to get back with an ex is not only the appreciation for the things your ex did and is doing, but also acceptance of where things are now even when you wish things were different.

When you send an ex a letter or text listing the thinks we are thankful for but in the same letter or text also blame them or ask them to take responsibility for something they did or even for the breakup, you are not showing gratitude.

Gratitude is the feeling of appreciation not only for good things and experiences, but also for the lessons we learned from the negative or painful experience, and the people who led us there. People who feel and show appreciation for the  lessons they learned from painful experiences, and are grateful for the people who taught them those lessons are said to have an attitude of gratitude.

An attitude of gratitude is attractive because it makes us less frustrated, resentful or angry, which them makes us less stressed and more happy. Instead of being stuck on whys, what ifs, and should’ve, gratitude helps us be present and appreciate the simple things and goodness surrounding us. This is especially important after a breakup when we’re hurting and missing our ex. An attitude of gratitude keeps us from lashing out, engaging in protest behaviour, or pulling away from a connection we obviously still want and makes us happy. Gratitude also makes us look forward and be optimistic about what is to come next.

To communicate to your ex that you are grateful for them, don’t just send a letter or text listing the things you are grateful or thankful for. As a coach, I discourage sending your ex a list of things you are thankful for because is can be manipulative and is often a fawning trauma response to an ex who doesn’t deserve it. I prefer a more present here-now approach which is, saying you appreciate something whenever your ex says or does something positive even something as simple as keeping the lines of communication open or showing you that they still care.

Make sure you use the 3-1 positivity ratio to show gratitude and appreciation. The 3-1 positivity ratio simply means it takes three positive experiences to offset one negative experience. This means that for every experience that made your ex feel that you were not grateful for their efforts, you need at least three heartfelt positive emotional experiences for your ex to feel appreciation and acceptance.

As social psychologist Sara Algoe says, “gratitude has a positive effect on the person receiving the message, the person delivering it, and even those who witness the exchange”.

If you need help with cultivating an attitude of gratitude and showing your ex appreciation, or the other 9 emotions that make your ex feel attracted to you, I’m happy to work with you 1-on-1 to make sure the targeted emotion is coming across right and is creating the desired impact.

The No.4 emotion that makes your ex feel attracted to you is admiration.