10 CLEAR SIGNS Your Ex Is Never Coming Back

Someone who wants a real relationship with you and wants you back will get tired of the cat-and-mouse game very quickly, and will want more intimate communication (i.e. text messaging, phone conversations, face-to-face- meetings) .

6. Your ex responds but is just being polite

There are exes who respond because they feel that not responding is rude, and/or don’t want to hurt you more than they already have. Most will respond but in a non-engaged way.

If all of of your exes responses are ‘yes’, ‘no, ‘ok’, even to questions that require a longer response, they are telling you, they’d rather you do not talk to them.

Someone who wants to talk to you, will make an effort in some way or the other. They may not ask you questions about yourself but will at least try to answer the questions you ask them. They’ll also respond to a text or call you back even if it’s days after. They will at least respond because they care to keep you in their lives.

7. Your ex says you’re now ‘just friends” but will not agree to meet up/hang out

Friends make effort to be a friend. That’s what a friendship is about. But if your ‘friend’ (ex) is avoiding seeing you or spending any significant time in your presence, cancels plans they agreed every time, you are not ‘friends’, even if they say you are.

Granted, you are not in a relationship, there is no obligation to meet up or follow through on agreed plans, but someone if is intentionally avoiding you and giving you excuses that do not make sense, it is because they do not want to give you ‘ideas’ or create false hope.

It’s important to note that this sign alone does not mean there is no hope. If it’s in combination with 2 -3 other signs, then it is as a strong a sign as there can be.

8. Your ex is in “a relationship” with someone else

This one is a tricky one, since your ex being with someone else doesn’t necessarily mean you have no chance. The relationship may be a rebound or they’re just exploring their options.

But if your ex has been with the same person for over a year, or your ex has been in at least two rebound relationships and none of them is with you, it’s obvious that getting back with you is not on top of your ex’s “to do” list.

9. Your ex keeps telling you to move on

Most exes when they end a relationship think they are moving on and will tell you to move on too. That’s normal and expected. At the time, they don’t believe the two of you can get back together and moving on is the right course of action.

In cases where your ex is still leaving the door open, or not yet decided on whether they want you back or not, talk about moving on stops after a few weeks or months. But if 3 – 4 months later, or if in every other conversation your ex feels the need to tell you they want to move on or that you should move on, and even gets upset that you are not moving on, they are serious that they do not want you back.

10. You’ve been trying to get your ex back for a long-long time

There is no time limit on how long it takes to get your ex back. I’ve worked with men and women who got their ex back in a week and others in 3 years. But if you’ve been trying to get back together for so long and nothing has changed or things are getting even worse, it may be that your ex is never coming back.

But before you make that conclusion, make sure think deeply about what led to the break-up. What behaviours are you willing to change to make the relationship work better for both of you. Think about what your ex has been complaining about for a very long time. Can these things be changed or worked on?

You might also like: An Ex’s Feelings Can Change – There’s Always A Chance.

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81 Comments

  • Yangki,

    I recently reconnected with an ex of 5 years. We chatted via text, and ultimately talked on the phone a few times. He reminisced about the good points of the old relationship, even sent me a picture of a plant that I’d given him 7 years ago, to show me he still had it. Then he asked me out for drinks. I tried for a good year after we broke up to reconcile. Eventually I gave up. I’m wondering if he’s telling me what he thinks I want to hear or if this is legit. How do I schedule?

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  • Yangki, I have been reading your articles and have your dating ex book. One thing I have realized is that getting your ex back is not easy. It’s more complicated than what no contact people tell you. Im trying your way and feel so much grown up already!

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    • Grown up already? I like!

      You are right. Getting back your ex is more complicated than some people think. No contact offers a simplified solution:

      1. Don’t Contact your ex for x number of days.
      2. Reach out with some corny “I have something to tell you” script, accountability statement or video.
      3. They’ll be curious and respond, and Voila!

      Emotionally intelligent people know that’s not how you cultivate trust, emotional safety and security in someone who has been hurt, is still hurting, is suspicious, has lost feelings of love, is resentful or angry.

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  • I read this site and wish that I had tried harder. But I didn’t have the maturity to choose my reactions and words very carefully. He decided he does not want to try again because we are not compatible and nothing we do will work. I just wish I changed sooner.

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    • Compatibility is a tricky reason for a break-up mainly because 1) it’s subjective and 2) people change. Two people who were compatible when the relationship started may become incompatible over time.

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    • My ex has made it very clear that he does not want me to contact him so I will not try and be pushy. I am not angry, I am disappointed that he decided not to try to work through our problems, but I accept everyone has their own way of grieving and may be he will contact me in the future.

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      • I don’t think that you have any other choice but accept his request. You probably pushed too hard and that’s why he asked you not to contact him.

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  • Yangki, what if your ex says it’s over and he is not changing his mind but does not want you out of his life, is there still a chance? I guess what I am asking is, are there cases where options are limited to only two, get back together or not?

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