10 CLEAR SIGNS Your Ex Is Never Coming Back

Someone who wants a real relationship with you and wants you back will get tired of the cat-and-mouse game very quickly, and will want more intimate communication (i.e. text messaging, phone conversations, face-to-face- meetings) .

6. Your ex responds but is just being polite

There are exes who respond because they feel that not responding is rude, and/or don’t want to hurt you more than they already have. Most will respond but in a non-engaged way.

If all of of your exes responses are ‘yes’, ‘no, ‘ok’, even to questions that require a longer response, they are telling you, they’d rather you do not talk to them.

Someone who wants to talk to you, will make an effort in some way or the other. They may not ask you questions about yourself but will at least try to answer the questions you ask them. They’ll also respond to a text or call you back even if it’s days after. They will at least respond because they care to keep you in their lives.

7. Your ex says you’re now ‘just friends” but will not agree to meet up/hang out

Friends make effort to be a friend. That’s what a friendship is about. But if your ‘friend’ (ex) is avoiding seeing you or spending any significant time in your presence, cancels plans they agreed every time, you are not ‘friends’, even if they say you are.

Granted, you are not in a relationship, there is no obligation to meet up or follow through on agreed plans, but someone if is intentionally avoiding you and giving you excuses that do not make sense, it is because they do not want to give you ‘ideas’ or create false hope.

It’s important to note that this sign alone does not mean there is no hope. If it’s in combination with 2 -3 other signs, then it is as a strong a sign as there can be.

8. Your ex is in “a relationship” with someone else

This one is a tricky one, since your ex being with someone else doesn’t necessarily mean you have no chance. The relationship may be a rebound or they’re just exploring their options.

But if your ex has been with the same person for over a year, or your ex has been in at least two rebound relationships and none of them is with you, it’s obvious that getting back with you is not on top of your ex’s “to do” list.

9. Your ex keeps telling you to move on

Most exes when they end a relationship think they are moving on and will tell you to move on too. That’s normal and expected. At the time, they don’t believe the two of you can get back together and moving on is the right course of action.

In cases where your ex is still leaving the door open, or not yet decided on whether they want you back or not, talk about moving on stops after a few weeks or months. But if 3 – 4 months later, or if in every other conversation your ex feels the need to tell you they want to move on or that you should move on, and even gets upset that you are not moving on, they are serious that they do not want you back.

10. You’ve been trying to get your ex back for a long-long time

There is no time limit on how long it takes to get your ex back. I’ve worked with men and women who got their ex back in a week and others in 3 years. But if you’ve been trying to get back together for so long and nothing has changed or things are getting even worse, it may be that your ex is never coming back.

But before you make that conclusion, make sure think deeply about what led to the break-up. What behaviours are you willing to change to make the relationship work better for both of you. Think about what your ex has been complaining about for a very long time. Can these things be changed or worked on?

You might also like: An Ex’s Feelings Can Change – There’s Always A Chance.

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81 Comments

  • Yangki, do you also do coaching for people who want to find out if there is still a chance? My ex says he does not want to get back together but sometimes he acts like he still has feelings for me. He told me he still cares about me but does not want a relationship. We were together for 3 years and are broken up for 8 months. I have read many of your articles and you are the only coach I have found to be unbiased and compassionate. Also like you, I believe in love and honesty not mind games.

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    • Unbiased and compassionate…hmmm. I’ll take that! Thank you… 🙂

      I think what you need is more a consultation than coaching. Here’s a link to how to set up a consultation call.

      We will talk about your situation and see whether you should try to get him back or just move on.

      View Comment
  • Yangki i just want to say thank you for this site. everyone has been telling me that its over and to move on. i read your signs your ex does not want you back and it gave me courage to contact him. we were not in contact for 11 days. he did not reply right away and your site said to give him time to reply. three days later he replied and he said he did not think he would ever hear from me again and was happy i reached out. he wanted to reach out many times but thought he hurt me badly and i was still angry with him. i said i was hurt but understood why he needed to breakup. he replied back within 3 minutes. all our conversations have been positive so far. i have signed for coaching for 2 weeks and will pay for more sessions if things go well. how do i contact you to set up my appointment?

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  • He told me various reasons why we broke up, but did add that it was him, not me. We have maintained some contact and a few days ago he finally acknowledged that we both share the blame. I was not emotionally ready to hear it and may have blown any chance in the way I responded. I should of followed the advice in your book more carefully and not started talking about the past relationship. He responds to my texts but is a little more distant now. Do you think there is still hope now that he admits he is partially to blame?

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    • You are right that talking about the old relationship may have caused him to pull back. As advised in the book, you can’t completely avoid making mistakes. Almost everyone makes at least one or two. It’s how you course correct that makes the difference.You should be able to get back on track using the advice in the book. It’s not completely lost, yet!

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  • Thank you this positive site, the others are about mind games and tricks which are not for me. As per you advice I have reached out to my ex. She responded to the first text 3 days later. I waited a day then replied and she responded the same day. I replied the next day and again it took her 3 days to write back. It’s been like this for two weeks, is this a lost cause? Your advice worked before and I got her back, but I messed up again texting a woman I met at the gym. My ex understands that there is nothing going on she read the text from the other woman and it was asking for advice with her live-in b/f. She has forgiven me but we are not back together.

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    • If this is a one time thing and there are no other problems in the relationship, she’s probably still processing what happened and needs time to resolve it within her mind.

      If this has happened before (you texting other women), or if there are other issues in the relationship, she might be rethinking if she really wants you back.

      Either way, keep lines of communication open, and see where things go.

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  • Six weeks of “no contact” and my ex has not contacted me. I think he is respecting my wishes not to contact me for sometimes but I’m not sure anymore. Yesterday was my birthday and he didn’t send me a birthday card or text. There’s nothing worse than someone you still love not caring about you.

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    • Have you considered the fact that your ex might be thinking the same thing… there’s nothing worse than someone you still love not caring. He may not even know that you are hoping that he contacts you. He may think you’ve moved on and afraid to contact you only to be rejected. It goes both ways.

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