If you still love your ex and there is a possibility that you might get back together, my advice is to do everything within your power to get back your ex.
This is not an easy task, and those trying to get their ex back know that it’s a dance of two steps forward and one step back. In these times, persistence and having a good plan pays off big time.
But how long do you persist before giving up? How do you know your ex is over you and it’s time to move on? How do you even know if your ex wants you back or not?
Each relationship is different, and should be looked at on case by case basis. But there are some very obvious signs that say you are wasting your time, or making a fool of yourself.
1. Your ex wants nothing to do with you
In many of my articles and in my book, I advice people trying to get their ex back not to give up on first contact. There are many reasons why an ex may not respond to your first or even second contact.
- They may not have received your message.
- They may be busy.
- They may be wondering why you contacted them (especially if you haven’t been in contact for while) and taking their time to respond.
- They may also be waiting to see if you will contact them again as proof that you are “serious”.
But if your ex has told you in clear words that they don’t want contact, or refuses to respond to your texts, messages, emails, phone calls, your ex wants you to leave them alone. Continuing to contact them just proves you are needy, pushy, disrespectful and annoying.
2. Your ex insists it’s them — and not you
Sometimes it’s really your ex and not you. But if your ex despite all your suspicions that there may be other reasons they ended the relationship insists that this is the only reason they’re breaking up with you, and refuses to explore any other “reasons”, they’re intentionally denying you any opportunity to try and fix things. If someone says “the problem is with me”, what can you do about it? Nothing.
Your ex knows that if they give you a “reason”, you may try to change their mind, or do everything to try to make the relationship work — something they don’t want you to do.
3. Your ex is mean to you (and/or angry at you) most of the time
Break-ups can bring out the “mean” in even the sweetest of us. But if after two months, your ex still calls you names, talks down to you, publicly ignores you or treats you insensitively, you might want to ask yourself if it’s worth the pain and humiliation.
If you cheated or did something really bad, an extended period of being “mean” to you may be justified. But if it’s nothing to do with cheating, lies or any other kind of betrayal, constant mean treatment is not an encouraging sign.
I’ve heard men and women desperately in love say it is better to be yelled at than be totally ignored; that it means that there is still some “feelings” there, and they are right. Even abusive and toxic relationships have “feelings” that mimic passionate love.
Feelings of anger and/or resentment only create more toxicity. Your ex has invested interest in keeping things toxic for as long as possible, and one of those interests is to keep you and what he/she considers your “toxicity” at bay.
4. Your ex says they will never trust you again
Trust unlike other relationship qualities are about safety. Not many of us want to be watching our back around someone we love. But trust once broken is one of the hardest things to rebuild. It’s often the last thing to come back when trying to attract back and ex, and requires you showing you can be trusted again over and over.
If your ex still loves you, they will give you opportunities to prove that they can once again trust you. But if in every other conversation your ex brings up trust issues, or directly tells you the reason they do not think you will get back together is because they can not trust you, one, you are doing a bad job at rebuilding trust, and two, your ex’s mind about “who you are” is made up. The chances that they will take you back are very small.
5. Your only form of contact is through social media
In the initial stages of contact, most exes want to keep some distance. Texts only, social media, messaging or some other “remote” mode of communications may be the only way you can have any conversations with them. But this should only be in the initial stages, 1 – 2 months maximum. If after 3 – 4 months, you are still unable to get your ex to a more “intimate” form of contact (phone call, video chats, face-to-face meetings), or get them to want to communicate more than a few texts here and there, chances are your ex is just stringing you along for their entertainment or revenge.