Many people using “no contact” say they are doing it to heal, take control of their emotions and/or work on themselves.
According to them, they need space and time away from their ex to heal, take control of their emotions and/or work on themselves. That’s understandable.
But what’s understandable is not always what’s right when there is someone else impacted by a decision you make or action you take.
In real life, exes don’t put their lives on hold waiting for you to heal, take control of your emotions and/or work on yourself.
Let’s put that ‘reality check’ on hold for a moment.
Who says you can’t heal and work on yourself while trying to get your ex at the same time?
This is not something many people doing “no contact” to “heal” realize.
They’ve been told that “healing” takes this number of weeks or months, and after that, they will be ready to get on with the more important business of trying to get back their ex.
Most are not interested in how to grieve in a healthy way; they just want get over with the “no contact’ 30 days or 90 days imposed rule.
As the countdown to the end of ‘no contact’ nears, anxiety hits the roof. Many are too scared to initiate contact, most don’t know how to. Even those that manage to overcome their fear and initiate contact go through an emotional avalanche waiting for a response. Many soon or later realize that the process of trying to get an ex back is not just emotionally trying, it’s an emotional roller coaster nightmare.
Cutting off all communication with your ex and focusing on your healing was supposed to make you feel better. How come your emotions still get in the way?
I’ll let you on the secret.
Pre-determined timelines work if you are planning a business, a marketing plan or a trip. But you are dealing with human emotions, and emotions especially break-up emotions aren’t tidy or always compliant.
And you are not just dealing with your emotions, you are also dealing with your ex’s emotions…
It’s crazy. It’s unrealistic to think that you have to wait until you are free of emotional pain before you even try to contact your ex. Even crazier and more unrealistic to wait until you have completely changed before you try to get back your ex.
Both working through your pain and changing are work-in-progress, and both take time.
Back to the reality of trying to get back an ex…. exes don’t put their lives on hold waiting for you to heal, take control of your emotions and/or work on yourself.
The break-up has happened. The pain is real. The emotions are overwhelming. Those are facts. That’s reality.
You might as well use the experience to develop emotional resilience, better understand your emotions (and your ex’s emotions), learn how to communicate better in conflict situations, and try to start a new relationship with your ex.
You can’t do that when you:
- don’t allow yourself to go through the experience of feeling apart but together at the same time.
- remove yourself from a situation that would have helped you learn how to deal with your ex’s unpredictable emotions, and positions.
- are avoiding both a conflict situation and communication.
Point is, you don’t have to wait for you to heal, take control of your emotions and/or work on yourself.
You CAN work on you and get your ex at the same time.
You don’t even have to completely change before starting to create an environment that makes your ex feel it’s emotionally safe to stay in contact, and/or try to get back together. In fact it works to your advantage to be working on yourself while trying to get back your ex. They can see first hand the changes you are making, which helps with them believe the changes you are making are for real!
You CAN work on you and get your ex at the same time. This is why I wrote “It’s Just A Break-Up”.
Too many miss their chance to get their ex back not because their ex does not want them back, but because they wasted too much time in “no contact” and ruined their chances. Many others struggle to convince their ex that they have changed because you know why? Most people don’t believe people change (and for good reason). But what if they witnessed the “change” as it happens right in front of their eyes? Hmmm?
“It’s Just A Break-Up” used together with “Dating Your Ex” dramatically increases your chances.
It’s do-able, folks!
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