You’ve been trying to get back with your ex for a while now but don’t understand why you don’t seem to make any progress. You are doing all the “right things” but while it works for others, it seems to have a boomerang effect on you.
The reason nothing seems to work for is because you have not been emotionally honest with yourself. You may not be emotionally dishonest with yourself on purpose, but may be you’ve been telling your break-up story over and over and somehow over time and with input from outside sources, the truth has been lost.
In your story, you are giving excuses for your actions (or your ex’s actions). You are justifying why you did this or that. You are trying to explain away obvious red flags that you should have paid attention to. You are painting a picture of the relationship that is better than or worse than what the relationship was really like.
And because you are not being truthful to yourself, you keep doing this and doing that to get your ex back, and nothing is changing. Nothing is changing because you are trying to change a reality that’s been made up.
Even when you read advice on how to move things forward, you can’t possibly see how it will work in your situation because in your story, you are the wronged party, the victim, the helpless one powerless to change anything. The one all this is happening to.
As long as you are not honest with yourself, and as long as you keep trying to find explanations and reasons that match your story, you will not be able to move forward and get back your ex.
Your ex may even still love you and want you back, but in his/her mind, if you can’t take responsibility for your role in the break-up, then what makes you think it won’t happen again?
You may even get back together but it won’t be for long. You will break-up again soon because you have not fully understood and/or taken full responsibility for your role in the relationship ending. You might have apologized, and taken responsibility for “some” of your words and actions, but you still have no clue how your actions impacted the very foundation of the relationship.
Taking full responsibility for your actions leading to the break-up and post-break-up does three things:
1) It helps you heal faster and fully.
2) It helps you focus on what is important for your relationship to be healthy, fulfilling and last a long time
3) It dramatically reduces the time it takes to get your ex back.
By taking full responsibility for how you reacted in the past, you are not only holding yourself accountable for how you will respond in the future, you are also showing your ex that the relationship can be better. You are showing him/her that it won’t happen again because you know exactly how it happened before, and are committed to making sure it won’t happen again.
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