Why Your Ex Lost Interest and How to Get It Back

why-your-ex-lost-interest-and-how-to-get-it-backWhen you’re just getting to know each other, being “interesting” is mostly about engaging conversations, fun things to do — and of course making the other person laugh.

Fortunately, this is easy for most of us. It’s a new relationship, and everything we say or do is somewhat interesting. But when you’ve been in a relationship for some time, the “newness” wears off and things kind of fall into “familiar” (or boring). “Interesting” becomes more about keeping the other person’s attention focused on you and on the relationship.

Keeping the other person’s attention focused on you and on the relationship when you are still together is much easier than making them feel interested again when you are broken up. This is  why it’s always better to try and work on keeping your significant other’s attention focused on you and on the relationship before you break-up.

But just because it’s harder to get an ex interested again, does not mean it can’t be done.

There are two ways to approach re-capturing your ex’s attention and interest.

1. Make your ex (and the relationship) feel like when you first met.

There is some value to going back to being the guy she was first attracted to especially if over time you started to take her for granted and stopped trying to “please your woman”. But over the years, I’ve found that going back to being the guy she was first attracted to, even if it was possible, is not enough to make someone want to stay in a boring relationship or come back to a relationship she left because it was “boring.”

Having been together for sometime means:

  • The relationship is no longer in the fairy-tale phase. You have spent so much time together that you know everything there is to know about one another — she’s heard all your “funny stories” and you’ve probably taken her to all the interesting places you know of (or can afford).
  • She now “knows” you and all your shortcomings — some of them, besides you being “boring” make you less appealing as a partner. You can’t just erase what she knows and make things like the way they were when you first met (and she didn’t know much about you).

2. Make your ex feel emotions he/she’s not felt before, and the relationship feel like how it should have been.

Whether our relationship was “perfect” or troubled, looking back many of us see something we could have done better, said better; ways we could have behaved differently, done less of or more of. Doing it over, but better will create new positive feeling and emotions which then stimulate new interest.

To me, this is the better approach because 1) it’s much easier to do, 2) it gets faster results and 3) it gives you the opportunity to create a relationship closer to your “ideal”.

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