How to Build an Emotional Bond With Your Ex – Part 1

why-you-are-not-emotionally-connectingNo relationship starts without some sort of emotional connection, and no relationship can survive without emotional connection.

All the advice, techniques and programs to attract someone, seduce someone, keep your man/woman happy, get back your ex, etc. can only go so far if you are not emotionally connected.

Sadly, so many of us do not even know what emotional connection really means. Not only do we confuse it with contact or communication, we are not even aware when another person is trying to emotionally connect with us.

We just know that sometimes conversations feel really great and exciting, and sometimes the other person seems distant and cold. But we don’t really pay attention to what may be causing the inconsistency.

In the moment and throughout the phases of dating, relationship, courtship or whatever you want to call it, there is a bonding rhythm that develops between people.

This is what is known as “emotional connection”. A series of feelings that come together to create a bond between two people.

Sometimes the bonding rhythm is relaxed and laid-back, and other times it’s fast and furious. Sometimes it’s impulsive and playful, and other times it’s thoughtful and empathetic; and sometimes it’s bold and provocative, and other times shy and coy.

There are times when it’s conscious and deliberate, and times when it’s seemingly unintentional.

This bonding rhythm is unique to each relationship and lasts as long as both parties remain alert/present and engaged with each other.

When both parties are present and engaged, there is a feeling of being in the “same wavelength” and moving at the “same pace”. Both parties initiate connection and both parties are open and responsive.

We are more able to create feelings of “connectedness” and pace our interactions because we can easily pump ourselves up or down a notch to mirror what the other is feeling at any given moment. Our interactions feel natural and relaxed, making it easier to sustain a stimulating conversation.

When both or one party is incapable of being present in the moment, set on a personal agenda or going through the motions without the emotions (following rules or a program), interactions follow an entirely different pattern. Interactions are mainly superficial and repetitive because one (or both parties) is holding back and hindering emotional connection.

This is when you find that you really have to try hard to hang in there and sustain a conversation. Most of the time, you end up creating unnecessary stress, resistance and disharmony instead of flow and rhythm.

Many of us assume it’s because we are contacting our ex too much, acting needy or being pushy and driving him/her further away. So we do the usual thing that many people that do not understand emotional connection do, we pull away, give them “space”… which proves to be an even worse mistake.

A connection is a link to something or someone. “Emotional connection” is that invisible link between us and something or someone. A strong emotional link is what we know as an emotional bond.

We fall in love when a strong emotional bond is formed. We stay in love by keeping the bond strong.

When the emotional bond is weakened or broken, the relationship begins to have all kinds of problems. If nothing is done to re-strengthen the bond, the relationship ends.

To create an emotional link to someone, we have to be able to identify, arouse and engage pleasant emotions and feelings.

The keyword is “pleasant” (personally, I don’t think of emotions as positive or negative, just emotions. But ‘negative’ and ‘positive’ emotions is the language many understand and can relate to)

If you are engaging or arousing unpleasant emotions and feelings, you are doing the exact opposite of emotional connection.

This simple truth better explained than in Maya Angelou’s words.

“I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

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