Many of you may have noticed that there are very few, almost none existing comments here that urge people to move on, find someone new, and/or forget your ex, focus on you etc.
This is by design. We don’t approve such comments because they bring with them “negative energy” and can be discouraging to someone trying to get their ex back.
Personally, I don’t think you can just “forget” someone who has been a big part of your life, may be even the ‘best” part of it. The person and relationship has to mean very little for you to be able to “forget”.
Yes, you can move on with your life, find new love and be happier in the new relationship, but once you’ve shared a life with someone, they will always be part of your life’s journey. To forget them is to ‘forget” the months or years of your life that they were part of.
I also strongly believe that we should always try to make a relationship work before giving up, and walking away. Too many of us give up too easily and too quickly because we’re not comfortable with uncomfortable emotions and situations.
We want to ‘feel better’ and do everything within our power (and even try things that are not in our control) to ‘change’ the unwanted emotions or uncomfortable situation. From trying to ‘undo’ the break-up to lashing out out in frustration, from trying to not ‘feel’ (detach) to trying to ‘forget’ the break-up or our ex.
While this seems like the ‘right’ thing to do, even the ‘only’ thing you can do, it’s not always the healthiest reaction to a break-up.
Running away from unwanted emotions or uncomfortable situations, even if it’s to “protect yourself” from more pain denies us the ability to emotionally grow, become emotionally resilient and be able to positively resolve conflict.
This is why even when our intention is to de-escalate conflict and/or try to establish some sort of positive communication, we always find ourselves making things worse. We never learned to de-escalate conflict or manage positive communication in the midst of conflict.
But instead of using the unwanted situation to learn how to, some of us do what we have always done: try to not ‘feel’ (detach) or try to ‘forget’.
Our emotional growth remains stunted or we develop some sort of arrested development where we permanently react with the emotions and actions of a pre-adolescent.
My point is, break-ups are hard, painful and very emotionally trying. And trying to get back your is, as mentioned in my eBook, probably one of the most emotionally trying experiences of our lives. It tests your emotional maturity, emotionally resilience and ability to deal with unwanted emotions or uncomfortable situations in ways that many of us have never experienced before, or even knew was possible.
If you do not yet have the maturity and skills required to take you through the unwanted and uncomfortable experience (and get back your ex), you’ll give in to the temptation to not to ‘feel’ (detach) or try to ‘forget’, and will easily be swayed by people urging you to move on, find someone new, forget your ex, focus on you instead of what you want most, get your ex back.
We do our best to keep out such people from our site, but we can’t “protect you” from all the negativity out there. The only person who can give you an all-round protection is you, you and your mind.
What you allow in your mind, and what you don’t allow in.
This is not about denial or holding on to false hope. Sometimes it is really over, and no amount of ‘positive thinking’ will change anything (see article: 10 Signs Your Ex Does NOT Want You Back)
This about saying to yourself: I am going to give this everything I have, do the best that I can, and if it does not work out, I’ll at least know I did everything I could have possibly done right, it just wasn’t meant to be.
It’s about taking control of the decision to go after what you want even when everyone around you is telling you to move on, find someone new, forget your ex, etc.
It’s about applying yourself whole heartedly, instead of the fear-filled one foot already out of the door half-assed attempt at getting back your ex.
These days, I don’t even bother anymore responding to questions or comments that start with ‘I want my ex back but I don’t want (or I fear that)… or “Everyone is telling me to move on, do no contact but…”
Like I said in another article, fear already owns that kind of person. Where there is fear, there is a lot of ‘negative energy’ too.
Get rid of ‘fear’ and you’ll see hope, and a way to get back your ex.