When Should I Ask My Ex For Another Date?

when-should-i-ask-my-ex-for-another-dateSo you made it through the first date with your ex, now what?

Here are some of the key things to remember as you transition from a first date to a second date to getting back together. These are not “rules” but general guidelines. If your instincts are good and have worked well for you in the past, then trust your instincts over any “rules” when dealing with other human beings.

1. Try not to ask for a second date right away

If the first date went great, both of you will spend the next day or two analyzing every word and every gesture to convince yourselves that it really was as good as it was.

You have a better chance of getting a second date if your ex has had enough time to process how they feel. It doesn’t mean you don’t contact them, just that you don’t ask for another date immediately.

2. Try to build more momentum before asking for another date

The tone of communication after the first date will tell you if your chances of getting a second date are good. Build on that positive energy to create momentum.

Since you are the one still doing most of the “work”, you most likely will be the one to ask for a second date. Keep it short and sweet, preferably suggest “I’d like to see you again,” rather than ask “what are you doing Friday?”.

3. Make no assumptions

Many men and women after one great date make the mistake of assuming that because things went well, it’s smooth sailing from here onwards. Wrong. Even after several dates, your ex can still turn around and stay they want to go slow, they don’t think you should be seeing each other anymore or they don’t want any more contact with you. So tread very carefully.

4. Make sure your intentions are clear

By the second date, it should be clear to your ex that you want him/her back. If not, you may end up “hanging out” as friends for the next several “dates” or you may end up becoming the second choice when the first choice is unavailable. If you have been following the advice in Dating Your Ex, this should not be a problem for you. All the steps upto this stage pretty much make your intentions clear.

5. Keep it in perspective

If your ex turns you down for a date but is still open to communicating via text, email or phone calls, that’s okay. The door is still open, things could be different next week or the week after. Just make sure you keep building emotional momentum. You need that wind under your wings to carry you to the next level.

If you are struggling with building emotional momentum, I am happy to work with you one-on-one to develop a strategy/plan of action that’ll move things forward.

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2 Comments

  • Hi Yangki, thanks for this article and awesome blog. I just wanted to clarify, because your book lists several criteria for expressing that you still have feelings, one of which being “your ex is emotionally opening up,” and that timing is important. Here, you say you should do it by the second date. I’m just wondering if the second date is ever too soon.

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    • The article does not say you should express that you still have feelings for your ex by the second date. It clearly says “By the second date, it should be clear to your ex that you want him/her back”. Very different from “expressing that you still have feelings” on a second date.

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