My Ex Says She’s Not Ready For A Relationship

my-ex-says-she-is-not-ready-for-a-relationshipQuestion:In your eBook you said to wait until things have warmed up with an ex before bringing up getting back together. However, in the past few weeks, before I bought your eBook, I asked my ex to get back together and she said she’s not ready for a relationship. She wants to be single and date for a while. I told her neither was I since I still had a lot of work to do on myself. Now I know I should not have said I was not ready to get back together after asking her to get back together.  Fortunately, she’s still responding positively to all my contacts, thanks to your eBook. I’m thinking of just being truthful and tell her I want her back but that didn’t work well the first time. Should I tell her “I want us to have a fresh start?” What do you think?

Yangki’s Answer: It’d be nice to just say you want her back — but at this point in the process it might just alienate her further since she’s said she’s not in a position to get back into the relationship.

She has to believe that things will be better. This is what your contacts need to be about. Whenever you can, steer the conversation towards a different and better future.  The formula is: I recognize where we had problems… this is what needs to change for things to be different… this is how I am doing my part changing the dynamics between us… this is what the future will look like.

These are NOT words you say to your ex (the way I’ve stated it here, you’ll come across as “weird”). This is a mental formula you keep in your head for all your contacts. And you don’t have to directly include him or her in the future, instead describe the future in such away that she can see him/herself in it — and want it. If she doesn’t see herself thinking, feeling and doing things differently (in a better way) from the old relationship, she won’t want what you’re offering.

But you also have to go beyond talking — words are cheap. You have to show her how it’s going to happen by doing the things you said will make the relationship different!

As you can see it doesn’t happen over night — but the point is to recognize what needs to be done, to start doing it and keep doing it until you start to see results. If you handle this right, it won’t be long before you see changes in your ex’s attitude towards you.

A word of caution here for others reading this response.  I don’t want to sugar coat this and make it look like it’ll work for everybody. Your ex has to want to communicate with you in the first place – even if he or she is not sure or ready to get back with you, right away. Just willingness to commn=unicate is all the opportunity you need to start warming things up.

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    31 Comments

    • Bayz says:

      Yangki, my ex and I have been broken up for 2 months. I read your site and maintained contact, we text each other just to say hi and catch up. Yesterday he asked if im seeing someone and i asked why he was asking me, he said he just wanted to know. Why do you think he asked if im seeing someone?

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      • Love Doctor, Yangki AkitengLove Doctor, Yangki Akiteng says:

        1) He may be thinking of the two of you getting back together and wanted to see if you were still available, 2) he asked knowing very well that you are not dating anyone and just wanted to see how you’d respond, or 3) he heard rumours and wanted to give you the opportunity to tell him yourself.

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