How Long Should I Wait to Send Another Text?

should-i-contact-my-exQuestion: I admit I did all the things I should not have done. I begged, pleaded, told her I love her, texted her every hour. I then went into no contact for two and half months. I did not contact her at all and she did not try to contact me either. I want to contact her to try to get her back. Friends who know both of us have told me she’s not seeing anyone. My question for you is: What are my chances of getting her back? I don’t want to contact her and have my heart broken again. Also how long  should I wait before I send her another text? I read in another blog that to give her exactly 72 hours. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Yangki’s Answer: If you’re asking me if you have a chance of getting her back just because you’ve successfully done no contact for two and a half months, my answer is “NO!” No, because you’re focusing on something that has no real value in getting your ex back. She broke up with you for a reason or reasons, and until you can show her (in action) and she’s convinced herself that the “reason” or “reasons” will no longer be a problem, you’ve basically wasted two and half months for nothing!

Again, 7 minutes or 72 hours doesn’t make much difference in terms of your success getting her back. Like I said before, you’re focusing on all the wrong things in trying to get your ex back. You’re too much focused on the “procedure” to the detriment of the outcome.

My advice is, contact her when you feel most calm, positive and focused, and talk for as long as there is something important or interesting to talk about. End the conversation when you find yourself just hanging on to the phone to keep her on the phone. It’s when you’re grasping for things to talk about (acting from a place of desperation, clinginess, neediness or loneliness) that you’re most likely to “overdo” yourself and even self-destruct.

I hate to say this because blowing the last candle of hope is not something I like to do, but my experience is has taught me that people who are too focused on “procedure” usually do not get their ex back because they’re not good at adjusting to the ever-changing reality that getting back an ex requires.

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8 Comments

  • I contacted my ex after spending hours and hours on your site. I was excited when she responded right away. We had a couple of exchanges that were pleasant then she suddenly stopped responding. I sent her two texts to which she has not responded, i’ts been 4 days. I don’t think I said anything to upset her so I am really confused. Please help.

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    • I can’t say I know for sure why she stopped responding. If you had not been in contact for a while, it may be that she was excited to hear from you, but with time the excitement died off, or it could be something that has nothing to do with you came up.

      Since it’s only been 4 days, give it 2- 5 days, then try contacting her again. Wait for a week and if she does not respond, well… try to move on.

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  • I broke up with my ex because if I hadn’t he never would have even though he’d emotionally checked out of the relationship. We lived in the same house but we could as well have been room mates who never speak to each other. 8 months since the break up and I’m still in love him. It is an incredibly painful thing to leave someone you love. I miss him very much and think about him everyday. Do you think it’s worth the effort to even try and get him back? What are my chances?

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    • Is it worth it? I believe so. It’s bad enough that you regret breaking up with him, imagine adding to that the regret of not at least trying to get him back.

      But beyond the two questions you ask, the bigger question is: what have you done to improve your chances of getting him back? He is not going to want to come back to the same relationship you had.

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  • My boyfriend of 3 yrs broke up with me 2 months ago and I also wonder what my chances are. I’ve realized now that I became someone that I wasn’t before, and do not ever want to be again, and that drove away the person that I loved the most. After some attempts at contacting him, I have come to accept that he doesn’t want to be with me because he doesn’t think we are right for each other. Based on how things were at the end of our relationship, I would agree with him. But I want to show him that I’m no longer that person, and that things will be different next time. I am now trying to focus on myself and make myself a happier person, hoping that he will see that, and see that I’m the person he fell in love with. I guess my question is, is there anything else I can do to try to get him back? I’ve pored through all of your articles and tried some tactics, but to no avail. The last time we spoke, he said he’s not ready / doesn’t want me back in his life…

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    • First of all, I don’t know what you’ve tried (to no avail). Second of all, there is not just one thing to do to try to get him back. There are several progressive steps you must take. I can’t possible write all of them down here on a reply to a comment. I’ve tried as best as I can to point to the right direction (not easy to cover every single unique situation) in the articles, posts and Q&As. But if you want a comprehensive list of steps in a progressive order, you can find that in my eBook: Dating Your Ex. One of the things that I have focused in the eBook is showing an ex that things will be different without making it seem like you’re trying to force anything to happen.

      One caution though about the eBook, if you are looking for “tactics”, you might not find the eBook very useful as I do not offer any “tactics”… just straight forward and mature steps based on the principles of love. I personally don’t believe “tactics” work, at least not in a healthy or lasting way.

      If you feel that your situation is so unique that you need personalized advice and support, I’m happy to work with you to get your ex back. Just click on the coaching pageand we can get started.

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  • For me it was too late. He had moved on and was with someone else. I wish I had realized earlier and been more honest with my feelings instead of listening to advice that just made things worse. I miss him very much but trying to accept that everything happens for a reason, and is exactly the way it’s meant to be.

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    • I hear you and feel for you. Like I said above, I don’t know whether that’s exactly the way it was meant to be or even that he’s gone for good. What I know is that acceptance of what has happened (you can’t change it) saves you a lot of pain caused by non-acceptance. Wishing you had done this or done that only keeps you stuck and unable to clearly see the way ahead.

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