Does Limited Or Low Contact Get Back Your Ex?

Many of us know that in the initial stages of trying to get your ex back, sending too many texts or calling them frequently is a major turn off. It therefore makes sense to try to control the number of times you contact your ex.

Controlling the number of times you contact your ex is what has come to be known as “minimal contact”, “limited contact” or “low contact”.

It is supposed to be the alternative for those that do not want to invoke “no contact”, or can not control themselves.

The idea behind “low contact” (LC) is that you contact your ex on a few days to a weekly basis. Some people prefer to have a period of “no contact” first and then transition to “low contact”, and others go straight to “low contact”.

I personally think that everyone has the right to choose whether they want to do “no contact, “low contact”, “high contact” and whatever else. At the end of the day, it’s your relationship, your heart, your life!

My role as a coach is to help you make an informed decision. And here is what I have found out.

“Minimal contact”, “limited contact” or “low contact” can work (up to a point) for people who:

1) know they are not good at communication in general,

2) who don’t have anything to talk about with their ex (don’t have much in common, or simply didn’t take the time to really get to know their ex)

3) are too scared (for whatever reason) to try to work things out

4) really have no chance of getting back their ex.

“Minimal contact”, “limited contact” or “low contact” buys you time to play footsie and/or pretend that you are trying to get back your ex. But that’s just the beginning of your frustration, to put it politely.

Every time you have to make contact (on a few days to a weekly basis), you get a sort of panic attack because you don’t know what to say, or if what you say this time will be what will drive your ex further away.

Then there is the agony of waiting… will he/she respond or will he/she not respond.

If you are lucky, you get a few detached responses here and there.

After a while, you start getting the feeling you are bothering your ex. You wonder if he/she is just being polite responding to your texts, or if may be… he/she is just stringing you along.

So you start waiting a few days before you send your “usual text”, just to see if they’ll contact you, but nope!

But since you are determined, you keep pushing on. But whatever you say just isn’t getting that response that shows that your ex still cares… may be even still loves you.

Has it occurred to you that may be… “minimal contact”, “limited contact” or “low contact” is doing more damage to your chances of getting your ex back?

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6 Comments

  • The same thing is happening to me. We were in no contact for 3.5 months, I reached out to him and we sent each other texts the whole day. This went on for 2 weeks and it was really great. But now he does not respond anymore. I have reached out to him once a week and he has responded in one sentence, except this last week he did not respond at all. I don’t know if I should continue contacting.

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    • That’s what happens when you cut off contact then reconnect. You missed each other and things take off at full speed. It’s like someone on a diet going on a binge.

      Try connecting with him emotionally rather than just touching base. Follow the links on the article because they provide some helpful tips on connecting on an emotional level. I also recommend spending time on here, and see how you can approach things differently before giving up.

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  • Hi, Some coaches advocate absolute no contact (Which to me does not even feel right) and others advocate something know as ‘Active No contact’. Basically, no contact, but with the intent of self improvement of whatever issues a person may have. What do you think of the idea of Active No contact? (I personally feel it will literally cause more damage, but hey, what do I know. I already lost the woman of my dreams… :P)

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    • Just wordplay for the emotionally immature and communication challenged.

      No contact is NO CONTACT.

      There is no such a thing as active or passive (whatever) no contact. You are either IN contact or you are NOT in contact. If you are contacting your ex or your ex is contacting you and you are responding, you are IN contact, no matter what you tell yourself. It’s simple common sense. You don’t even have to be a coach or “expert” to know this.

      Someone figured out No Contact isn’t popular anymore and playing mind games with people looking for ways to get back their ex.

      See, now you inspired me to write an article… 😉

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  • She broke up with me mostly because of my going too fast and being a bit too needy. I didn’t realize it then but after reading many of your articles, reviewing our texts and conversations, I can see how I pushed her away and how I could have done a lot better. We have contact and I am taking things slow and not being needy. I just don’t know if this is enough to get her back?

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    • Just taking things slow and not being needy is not enough. It’ll help you avoid past mistakes, but not necessarily create new attraction.

      She tried a relationship with you and it didn’t work. For her to be attracted to you again, you not only have to show her you can take things slow and not be needy, but also show her that you are still the best man for her. In other words, bring more to the relationship.

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