Many, if not all of us know that if we want to get our ex back, we should try as much as possible not to trigger emotions that create negative feelings. But avoiding emotions that create negative feelings is only half the story. We must also make sure that we are triggering positive feelings if we hope to move things from break-up to getting back together.
The problem sometimes is knowing which emotions to trigger to create positive feelings, and how.
Barbara L. Fredrickson, one of the most highly-cited contributors to research on “positive emotions” identified 10 common positive emotions: love, serenity, gratitude, awe, joy, interest, hope, pride, amusement and inspiration. You can watch her lectures on positive emotions on Youtube.
How do you trigger these emotions in an ex? Well…um,um. Here is where yours truly comes in. In no particular order:
Emotion #1 – Love
When it comes to getting back your ex, love is both an emotion and a verb.
It’s an “emotion” because you don’t choose to love, it kind of just happens and you feel it. Love is also a verb because it requires work. You have to inspire it, fan it and nurture it (see my article: How to Make Your Ex Feel Loved).
Triggering love is tricky especially soon after a break-up or in the initial stages of trying to get back together with your ex. The usual actions that trigger feelings of love when in a relationship (begging, pleading, crying, love letters, flowers, gifts, wedding proposal etc) do exactly the opposite when you are broken up. They trigger negative feelings, not the positive ones you were aiming for.
But that should not stop you from triggering “love” because if you don’t, you end up with the opposite emotion, indifference. You don’t want to go there. It takes a lot more muscle to move the wheel 180 degrees from indifference to love. In the middle of a break-up or trying to get back our ex, most of us don’t have the strength let alone the will to be turning the wheel 180 degrees. We tire midway, and give up.
In the early stages of trying to get back your ex, trigger love by showing positive feeling of affection, connection and attachment. That is, your ex knows that despite the break-up and despite everything that’s happening, you still like him/her as a person. You still feel connected to him/her in some way. You still have his/her best interest at heart.
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