Call me naively optimistic… I believe men and women can get along very well if we want to, chose to and learn how to.

Relationships will only get better when both men and women learn to co-exist and respect the other. This is possible as is shown on this site. There is hope.

Even sadder that many of the women who follow rigid dating rules, at least in my experience as coach, hang on hoping and believing because they just can’t read between the lines. I’ve seen many think the guy is “playing hard to get” when in reality he’s just not interested. Because they do things like not call or pretend to be busy, when the guy does not call, or ignores them, they think it’s just part of “the game” because that’s what they’d do with a guy they’re interested in.

I wish that women listened more to their gut and trusted themselves more instead of being so obsessed with their own agenda that they can’t even see how they are their own worst saboteurs. But obviously there are women to whom “the rules” speaks to and if that’s how they want to do it, so be it.

My biggest beef with the book is that it does not value loving and honest relationships in which two partners are equal instead it advices women to let the man do all the work. Personally I don’t want the kind of man.

You are right in saying the advice is outdated. The emphasis on the “Princess’ behaviour” is particularly disturbing in the 21st century. Passiveness and manipulation sets women back and arms men with more vicious ways to become even more selfish since they can’t trust women to act in their (men’s) best interest.

I agree 100% with everything you’ve said. That then raises the question of “intent”…

There’s when the intention is to manipulate for entirely selfish reasons… but there is also when the intention is not to manipulate but the other person still ends up feeling manipulated. Both people were involved but with different perceptions of what’s going on.

This is why in my humble opinion (see, I’m a quick learner…lol), direct, open and upfront is the safest bet for all concerned. It doesn’t completely eliminate different perceptions of what’s going on, but it at least keeps misunderstanding of intent to the minimum.

That said, I strongly believe that manipulating others to get what you want will not work out in the long run. Just my humble opinion.

Even if a man doesn’t have respect for women for any number of reasons, at least have respect for yourself!

The reality is when you start a foundation of a relationship based on mind games, you can’t but help continue building the relationship on mind games for fear of losing the other person if you reveal your true self or just allow the relationship to take it’s natural course. The more one builds on the foundation of mind games, the harder and uglier the fall will be — and some people have the audacity to cry “I was deceived!” You start it, you own it.

If you are A PRIZE, you don’t need the rules to be treated as a PRIZE. You just are – A PRIZE. Guys who are a worthy catch themselves know a PRIZE when they meet one. They’ll “catch a grenade” for her, “throw their themselves on a blade” if that’s what it takes to catch and keep the PRIZE.

On the other hand, if you’re not A PRIZE but want to be treated as one, you have to work hard (use THE RULES,) but even then, you will never be treated as a prize, because you just are NOT. Do a Google search on how things turned out for the “ladies” who wrote THE RULES… I’ll tell you, not well.

Put it in another way, if you find something at a dollar store, it doesn’t matter how hard it tries to make itself look exclusive and costly, it’s still from the dollar store — and it shows it’s not worth much!

The RULES don’t make you a catch, they show you’re TRYING TO BE A CATCH. The very same guy who you have to use the rules to try to get his attention will go crazy for some other woman he thinks is worth the chase! Why waste all that time and energy trying to be a catch, when you could be the real thing!

You might want to read “Women Who Follow The Rules” By Heidi Muller