The “Rules” and Playing Mind Games With Men

the-rules-and-playing-mind-games-with-menYou’ve heard them; don’t approach him first, don’t flirt, don’t look friendly, don’t pick up the phone when he calls, wait four days before you call him back, never ever accept spontaneous invitations, act like you’re not interested, don’t show him you like him, don’t let him hold your hand until on the third date, don’t introduce him to your friends before he introduces you to his, if he’s not ready to commit when you’re ready dump him, never be friends with an ex etc.

Who follows these type of rules? What kind of man does a woman who follows these rules attract? Is it possible to sustain a loving relationship based on a calculating persona faking a busy life? What’s so wrong with being an open, honest, vulnerable, pro-active real woman with her own mind, a body and soul?

Every time we set up unrealistic, counter-productive and sometimes even ridiculous “rules” that assume that all men and all women react the same way to the same situation rather than that relationships are an interplay between two unique individuals, we set ourselves up for frustration, hurt and disillusion.

Playing mind games is gambling with your heart. The stakes are too high…

If all you attract is frustration, disappointment and hurt, change the way you approach dating and the way you relate to the opposite sex. Stop treating dating like a game or a necessary evil you have to endure (to get to heaven) and instead see it as a journey of self-discovery.

Take time to get to know yourself and work on the unhealthy residues from your past that may be driving your choices and actions; challenge yourself to do some of the things you’re most afraid to do; meet people and allow others to get to know the real you; accept that life isn’t always fair and things will not always go your way but that happens to everyone; don’t take yourself too seriously and don’t expect others to be perfect; be flexible, spontaneous and have fun! But most of all be authentically you.

Show that you’re approachable, friendly, interested and interesting, intriguing, good company and relationship-worthy.

1) If you’re interested in a guy, let him know.

2) If you want to go out with him, ask him out.

3) If a guy asks you out and you want to go, go. If you’re not available, let him know.

4) If you’re not into him, (sensitively) let him know.

5) If you really are into him but the relationship is not as “hot” as you want it to be, be proactive and do something about it.

6) If something is bothering you about the relationship, talk to him about it.

7) If the relationship is falling apart at the seams, try to mend it.

8) If he feels smothered, pressured or wants a little breathing space, give it to him without hard feelings.

9) If you love him and want a second chance, give love a chance.

10) If you don’t feel he is the one for you or the relationship is toxic, end it.

Just an honest relationship… no lies… no mind games.

I understand that this may be rather radical for some, and have been told by a few people that it’s “a cultural thing”. Surely openness, honesty, integrity, truthfulness, authenticity, sensitivity, fairness, thoughtfulness and self-respect can’t just be a “cultural thing”. More like a “human thing” or a “love thing” to me. Unless of course, you have nothing much to offer in terms of a real fulfilling relationship, then may be it makes sense to manipulate others into thinking you’re who you’re not!

But that’s just my thinking (and may be it’s a “cultural thing”). If you want to play mind games, by all means play on. But don’t complain when the guys you attract using mind games are doing exactly the same thing you’re doing. In my opinion, if two people are okay playing mind games with each other, then they deserve each other. No tears.

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91 Comments

  • Part of the reason women play hard to get is because a majority of guys don’t understand anything about us. They want everything laid out to them because they are too lazy to get off their asses and work for it. A guy that is willing to work for something is also capable of carrying part of the responsibilities of being in a relationship with an equal.

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  • I 100% agree with not playing by “the Rules”. It’s ridiculous, I promised myself a long time ago that I would rather be alone than have to manipulate any man into being with me.

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  • If you’re interested in a guy let him know??
    If you like a guy, ask him out???

    WRONG! Guys want to chase and are turned off by a girl who is too easy to get. Sorry but the “Rules” are much more accurate than this garbage. All you’ll get with this is giving a guy the upper hand who won’t value you the way he should. I know from experience! Making a guy work for you – works!

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  • Believe me, I meet all kinds of women but I’ve never been attracted to black women. They are all ugly. I’m only attracted to white women, Asian and latino women. They have beautiful features.

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    • I hear you… we all have different things that we find attractive in others, and no one should be made to feel guilty for who he/she is attracted to.

      My advice is still the same. Get out more and meet more of the type of women that you are attracted to. The more you expand your experience, the more you see that not all women are into mind games.

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