Why You Should Take A Break-up Personally

Many of you who read my articles, blog and eBooks know that I’m not a fan of game-playing, deception, tricks or manipulation. But once in a while I get that one odd person who writes me complaining about my lack of  “a tight game” or “enough tricks” .

Such was a case a week ago when I received an email from one very unsatisfied customer. I do not care to repeat the contents of the email here —  some of which in my opinion had nothing to do with the eBook, but who I represent in the author’s mind.

I made a conscious choice reading the email to 1) not take it personally and 2) try to see the good and positive in what was otherwise a negative and not very uplifting email.

On a personal level, I am not what the author thinks of me.  Secondly, the fact that someone would reject my eBook because it lacks “tricks” is probably one of the best compliments anyone can give me. It means my message is not lost in the world where dating/love/relationship advice is presented as an exercise in deception; a set of mental manipulation and “tricks” designed solely for the purpose of outwitting another person. No real intention of trying to create a loving, healthy fulfilling relationship.

But what I probably appreciated most about the experience is how life reminded me to be more empathetic to my clients who face rejection for who they are. Not anything they said or did, but just who they are.

Sometimes we coaches after teaching something for so long and even seeing many success stories, tend to forget that things we may consider “so easy” aren’t always “easy” to everyone, or all the time; and if one is having a hard time with it, it’s not always that person’s fault.

Some rejections are simply “I’m not interested” or “You’re not my type.” Most grown ups by a certain age know and accept that in this life, some women will think you’re cool, some men will think you’re absolutely hot – and others will think you’re not!

Most also know and accept that in the dating world, there will be people who want you to go away as quickly as possible, and others who will “play you” and string you along until you go away on your own. This applies as much to men as to women.

In other words, most grown ups do expect some rejection and many are able to take it in stride and keep moving on. But once in a while you meet that one person who feels that he or she has to go to the extent of insulting you in addition to the rejection. They call you narcissistic, crazy, selfish, a commitment phobe, boring, and other names intended to make you feel less than who you are. The temptation sometimes is to give it back as good as you get – lest you be considered weak and cowardly.

Problem with this is that most people who add insult onto rejection have serious issues of their own, and probably just looking for an opportunity to go “mental” on you. Some have nothing “interesting” going on in their lives and looking for something “exciting” to do. You give them what they want and they get to reject you, insult you and “get off” at your expense too!

My point is, just because you don’t “click” is no reason to start coming up with reasons to call the other person names. There is nothing wrong with him or her – or you for that matter – for not having made a good connection. It’s not their fault. It’s not your fault. It just what it is. Trying to look for a reason that makes sense, or someone to blame is just a waste of time and energy.

As long as you don’t get bitter and jaded, sometimes being rejected can be a good thing – for personal growth. Most of the self-assured, self-made, confident and upward mobile people I’ve met (and admire) in my life are people who’ve had to deal with lots of rejection.

Again, easy said than done, yet still possible to take an even negative experience and turn into something very positive – for you! Who knows may be you just dodged something worse.

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