How To Expose Your Ex’s Hidden Motives?

Question: Yangki, do you advice testing your ex to see if they are playing you? I know it is playing mind games and you are against it, but how do you know someone is real or playing mind games?

Yangki’s Answer: You are right that I am against playing mind games, and that you should always be honest and upfront in your relationships. But I am also aware that there are people who play mind games, and play them real good. As Rihana puts it, they “deserve a standing ovation.”

The article: 5 Signs A Man Or Woman Is Playing You answers your question on how you know someone is real or playing mind games?

Usually, if you have no reason to think someone is playing mind games or even capable of it, I think it’s a bad idea to test their motives. It may not be your intention, but moves like that poison a relationship and erode trust.

On the other hand, if your gut tells you (very strongly) that something about someone is not right, don’t ignore your gut feeling. Your instincts are more than just a feeling. Your body’s wisdom is giving you information not immediately available to your conscious mind.

I am a very trusting person and always see the good in others, that’s why I rely a lot on my gut instincts. I have had cases where I pushed beyond what my gut was telling me and regretted it. I also have incidents where something about someone didn’t feel right, but I didn’t want to just go with my gut instinct. I intentionally said things I knew would bring out who they truly are and reveal their true motives. Sadly, my gut instincts have been right every single time. (Don’t judge… I never said I was a saint, I just play one sometimes).

For example, my gut was telling me that someone wasn’t really interested in me as a friend but instead had their own agenda e.g. use me for information. I intentionally refused to talk about the topic they kept steering me towards in every conversation, and insisted on talking about things we had in common. Someone who is a friend will be genuinely interested in what you are interested in but “my friend” was on an agenda, and the more desperate for information she became, the more obvious her motives.

So yes. If you have reason to believe your ex is playing mind games, put your gut instincts to the test. Sometimes, it’s better to know sooner than later.

If for example, you suspect your ex is using you for emotional support, try taking that away and see how he or she reacts. Same thing with an ex who only contacts you when they are bored or lonely, or when they want sex. Someone who has no ulterior motive will want to continue to talk to you even when they do not get what they want. Someone with an agenda will disappear when you can no longer give them what they want.

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