Question: My ex and I broke up nearly two months ago. We’ve exchanged a few emails since the break up, mostly it’s been me contacting her but she eventually replies. After stressing over whether to call her or not, I finally called her at work and said “hey just calling to see how your doing.” She was very nice and seemed happy to hear from me but said she couldn’t talk because she was at work. So I asked her if I can give her a call later when she’s home and she said, “that’d be great.”
But when I called her she said she was heading to bed, had a very important meeting the next morning. I didn’t want to come across as needy and didn’t push. Instead I asked her if I can call her Thursday evening, this was Monday. She seemed okay with it, said, “You can call me anytime.”
I called her Thursday evening, two times, but both times she never answered the phone. Why would she encourage me to call her if she isn’t interested in talking to me? She knows I still have feelings for her and she has told me over and over that she could never do anything to hurt me. I want to try to contact her one more time before I give up. Do you think it’s wise or should I just give up right now?
The Love Doctor’s Answer: Most people don’t tell someone it’d be great for them to call or that they can call anytime if they don’t mean it or don’t want the person to call.
The only reason I can think of why she would say those things and then not follow up on it is that she does not want to hurt you and thinks she’s letting you down gently. But there is also the possibility that she’s indeed busy – some people throw themselves into their careers after a break-up because it helps them feel like the world hasn’t stopped rotating. And may be right now her work is more important to her than reconnecting with an ex.
There is no way for knowing for sure if she still has any feelings for you or not, or even if she wants to keep in contact with you or not. If you strongly feel in your heart that you should contact her one more time, I suggest sending her an email telling her you do not want to keep calling her if she does not want you to. But you at least want to know from her if that’s her wish. Do not bring up anything about the relationship, how you feel about her or how much she is hurting you. These are emotionally loaded topics. If she’s not ready to get into something emotionally heavy, she’ll most likely not reply.
After you send the email, wait and see what happens. If you do not get a reply or if she does not call after a few days, you have your answer.