Question: She wanted to get married about 4 months into our relationship but I wanted to wait a while. She broke up with me but a week later she came back. Two months after getting back together she broke up with me again saying she wanted more and I was taking her for granted. Although I wasn’t ready to get married, I really loved her and still do but she is now with someone who seems ready to marry her. She’s told friends she still loves me but he is Mr Right for now. Should I try to get her back or let her go?
Yangki’s Answer: I think you were right in wanting to wait a while. In my opinion, 4 months is too early to be planning marriage (See: Why You Should Wait 6 -12 Months to Commit)
I also think she broke up with you the first time just to see if the fear of losing her would scare you enough to ask her to marry you. She wanted you to know how far she was ready to go if you don’t give her the type of commitment she wants. When you didn’t react the way she had hoped, she realized she had been called bluff and came back to try to work things from the inside. When that didn’t work either, she ended the relationship again.
She probably realized that you couldn’t give her what she wanted when she wanted it, and she couldn’t manipulate you into committing to marriage. Now she’s with someone she may not love as much she loves you but may be ready to give her what she wants.
I have a lot to say about “settling” but it’s her life, her decision. I don’t think she’s asking for my “advice”.
Should you try to get her back?
Only if you are ready to get married in the next year or less. She’s obviously watching the clock and wants to get married as soon as possible. If you are not ready to get married, then let her try to find someone who is more ready to commit.
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