Bad news for anyone who regularly uses the phrase ‘Get a room!’ Public Displays of Affection (PDAs) look set to soar in 2010 — and it’s not just moonstruck teens who are indulging in bouts of public passion.
Headed up by Barack and Michelle Obama, it’s been an epic year for syrupy displays by celebrity couples. The world’s most powerful pairing popularised PDAs by laying their love on thick for the cameras throughout 2009.
But boffins say PDAs could have more to do with lust than love. A survey of students showed that while they view holding hands as a statement of commitment, most would be more comfortable heavy petting in public than giving their date’s hand a gentle squeeze.
Middlesex University psychotherapist Leila Collins says: “We have become more self-conscious and detached, so we see affection less often. Love is a fragile thing, and if there is warmth and affection, then the partnership is more likely to survive.”
Innocent hand-holding, pecks on the cheeks and cuddling are far more important than rampant sessions in the sack, says couples counsellor David Kavanagh.
“Affection is definitely more important than passion,” he says. “The passion in most relationships lasts around three years, but affection can last a lifetime. It allows couples to show they still care for each other after the initial surge of lust has gone. PDAs are a signal that you value and respect your partner — two essential parts of a relationship.”
Now doctors have given loved-up couples another excuse to make a spectacle of themselves in front of family, friends and perfect strangers. Research in the journal Psychosomatic Medicine found that affection can fight stress by reducing levels of cortisol, a hormone implicated in heart disease. So not only do PDAs make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside — they’re good for you too.
But while women are traditionally the ones who value affection, don’t assume that a man who suddenly starts acting all touchy-feely is only after one thing, adds David.
“Men are not socially constructed to act weak or vulnerable,” he says, “but we need affection just as much as women.
“Women wrongly assume that men are thinking about sex all the time. But if they’ve had a bad day, sometimes all they want is a head-rub or a cuddle.
“Walking down the street, a man might find it embarrassing to hold his girlfriend’s hand — yet if he was on the football pitch and scored a goal, it would be perfectly acceptable for him to show all sorts of outlandish PDAs with the other players because the social norms are different. It’s important for the woman not to misinterpret that as rejection.
“That said, if your boyfriend suddenly starts to recoil when you go to give him a hug, it could be an indication that something in the relationship is bothering him.”
He adds: “There’s nothing wrong with sitting down and talking about what type of PDAs you agree on. For instance, one partner might think it’s fine to walk around Superquinn with their hand on your arse, whereas the other would be totally mortified!” Before things get hot and steamy in the frozen foods aisle, remember that less is more when it comes to PDAs.
“You don’t have to be climbing all over each other or putting on some kind of Amsterdam-style sex show to prove you appreciate your partner,” says Hot Press sex columnist Anne Sexton. “Being comfortable enough to stroll down Grafton Street hand-in-hand is a better indicator that your relationship is solid.”
“I would say that holding hands and kissing, to a certain extent, in public is not just acceptable but necessary for longevity in a relationship.”
“The culture of PDAs is only really a recent thing here; previously, there was some notion that PDAs were only for people who either didn’t have a room to go to or were drunk. I think it’s a hangover from our Catholic past, when the parish priest would harangue a couple for holding hands or people would be afraid they’d get a reputation around the village.”
But if it’s a reputation you’re after, sexpert Anne reckons that something as simple as holding hands in public speaks more loudly than screaming the house down in pleasure.
“Couples with a good physical connection outside of the bedroom usually have the best sex lives,” she says.
“If you take Barack and Michelle Obama who are so openly affectionate, you imagine they’re very sexually intimate too — compared to George and Laura Bush, who could almost have been brother and sister.”
Source: Irish Independent
Originally posted 2010-01-06 07:57:44. Republished by Blog Post Promoter
I just stopped by your blog and thought I would say hello. I like your blog and site design, very professional but warm and friendly. Good day.
I appreciate it. Thanks…
I am all for public display of affection as long as there is no grabbing ass and doing lewd stuff. lol
I am dating a man that is 11 years younger than me. When we’re alone he is very affectionate but in public he acts indifferent. I’m beginning to think he’s ashamed of being seen with an older woman. How can I get him to be affectionate in public?
Talk him, may be he’s not ashamed of being seen with you but just not comfortable showing affection in public. Explain why it’s important to you and if he says he just can’t do it then decide for yourself if it’s that big of an issue for you. Trying to force him to do what he does not want to do isn’t the same thing as him doing it because he wants to.
I’m very physically affectionate and used to do it a lot with my ex but I’ve put on quite some weight, over 300lbs. The supermarket aisle is just too small!
My bf says he does not want to make other people feel uncomfortable. I get that, but he will not even do subtle things like holding hands or the occasional hug. We’ve talked about it so many times but he says he loves me and feels that he doesn’t have to prove his love for me in public. I’m trying to understand his point of view but part of me thinks may be he is not the right one for me?
It’s not up to me to tell you who is right for you, you decide that on your own. But if this is the worst of your relationship problems, then you should count yourself “very lucky”. I however, suspect there are other things that make you feel he’s not the right one for you.
If this is really so important to you, may be you can try doing something that is non-traditional PDA; something that is not so obvious that it even slightly draws attention. Say you’re crossing a street or getting out of a car and he happens to be near, grab onto his arm for support, hold it briefly then let go. You can also do this when drawing his attention to a price tag or building etc. It may not be your idea of PDA but it is affectionate and it is public…
GOLDIE and MissyXOXO, some men are just not very affectionate. I’ve known one or two myself. I’m currently with a man I met through work a couple of months ago. In the beginning he was very reserved about showing any displays of affection in public. We talked about it and agreed to meet each other half-way. Slowly I figured out what turns him sweet and just plain silly with me in public (not X-Rated of course). We’re publically affectionate with each other anywhere. Now I just need to figure out how to get him to agree to some of my PDA dark fantasies LOL.
Keep heart, some guys do change but through love and not nagging him to change.
Do you want my job? That was GREAT advice, Modwana…
You know, you can be arrested for some of those PDA dark fantasies. And what will you tell your Pastor you were arrested for???? lol
I love seeing couples being affectionate in public but I’m so awkward with it. Maybe it has to do with my Northern European ancestry.
I’m Indian, and kissing in public in Indian culture is a NO-NO. It’s considered a mild form of exhibitionism and disrespectful to others. But it’s very common to see excited couples running and jumping into each others arms after several days apart.
Very insightful addition. Every culture has written and unwritten rules for showing affection in public.
Modwana
“just not very affectionate” is not exclusive to men, it applies to women too.
I’m about to say something that may be offensive to some people, but please bear in mind it’s not my intention to offend anyone. I’ve dated plain women with intelligence and personality and I’ve dated drop dead gorgeous women, some can hardly be called intelligent. It’s easier to be more openly affectionate in public and even make out with a hot looking chick. It’s flaky but it’s the reality.
Good blog topic.
I think that basic affectionate in public is good for one’s love life but only when it’s not an attempt to mislead or cover up some issues going on in the relationship.
A man or woman openly showing affection in public means nothing. Dogs do it all the time when they’re on heat.
I love for my man to show a little affection in public but I’ve never been w/ someone who affectionate in public. My last boyfriend wouldn’t even hold hand because he didn’t want people to think he was house-trained.
I take “to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse”, literally. I’m that simple-minded.
What counts as PDA tends to differ greatly with each individual, age, the cultural norms with which a person has been raised and the norms prevalent in the environment where a person resides. Grabbing, groping and slurping regardless of culture is disrespectful and offensive. There is a line between display of affection and display of sexual lust. Get a room! LOL
Brazilians are affectionate all the time… and we
don’t get a bad reputation for acting like this…
Hey Brazilian Girl…
Have you seen World’s Best Lovers (Men By Country)? Your guys have quite a reputation…
yeah! I’ve seen it! That’s totally true!
I know a couple of north american girls that moved to Brazil because they fell in love with brazilians… both of them told me brazilian guys are quite different from american guys because they like holding-hands everywhere they are…
Btw, I love you blog. Your articles are insightful! I’ve alrealdy recommended it to some (brazilian) friends of mine!
THANKS A LOT! I hope you’ll continue leaving your comments as I value and appreciate how different cultures and peoples love (their own way). I think that many people will be interested to know we “DO” differently – and it’s all is good!