Have you noticed that men and women who are overly self-absorbed, aggressive, forceful, opinionated, love the sound of their own voice and have an air of superiority simply because they have good looks, success, skill or “luck” in a particular area of life populate the ranks of frustrated singles, unhappy spouses and loners while average looking others of ordinary looks, talent and means do better in dates and in moving dates into relationships?
Some men and women take “self love” to a point where it works against them instead of for them. I know it’s hard to even think that something as good as “loving yourself” can come back and bite you in the rear.
Loving yourself is good. People who love themselves have an awareness of their strengths, qualities, abilities and skills, and the expectation, trust and conviction that those strengths, qualities, abilities and skills will lead to a positive outcome. It’s a kind of optimism we all aspire to have – and that’s a good thing.
But narcissism (self-absorbed love) can blind someone to the accuracy of their own judgment and exaggerate one’s ability to control events. Narcissists are least likely to acknowledge that they don’t know something or that there are things they are not good at. And when something doesn’t happen or go the way they expected or wanted they’re more likely to stay the course or take even bigger and more risks that they may not be well equipped to take on. This is probably why they’re some of the most self-destructive people in the world. They lack that very necessary ability to self-evaluate and self-regulate — and because they won’t even admit it, they never work to develop these very important skills.
For example, a narcissist may (right or wrong) think that a man or woman is flirting, interested or into them. How can anyone not be? The narcissist proceeds to “confidently” start a conversation with the “interested” man or woman. They end up exchanging telephone numbers, emails addresses etc. But when the narcissist calls or emails and the “interested” man or woman does not return the phone call or reply to the email within the time the narcissist expects someone “interested” to. The narcissist is ticked off. How can someone be so insensitive, lack common courtesy, have no ”class” etc (interpreted: how can anyone treat me with all my greatness, wonderful-ness, amazing-ness, fabulous-ness, irresistability etc., like this?).
Suddenly the narcissist isn’t so confident anymore. He or she calls several times, leaves threatening messages, goes by the “interested” man or woman’s place just to tell him or her off. Because narcissists see the world in terms of “me” (the great, wonderful, amazing, fabulous, irresistible one) versus them (sub-humans) even an average or decent rejection seems more like crushing defeat. Frustration, sarcasm and “self-righteous” anger is their natural reaction to anyone who dares question or challenge their “superiority”. Some narcissists even kiss dating and relationships goodbye because those “idiots” just do not see or understand how great, wonderful, amazing, fabulous, resistible etc they (narcissist) are.
If you are overly self-absorbed, aggressive, forceful, opinionated, love the sound of your own voice and have an air of superiority simply because you have good looks, success, skill or “luck” in a particular area of life, but tend to have many first and even third dates but never seem to get anywhere in relationships, you might want to check if your self-perceived “greatness” is working against you.
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This is jealous bullsh*t. I like the sound of my own voice and I am proud of it. I have plenty of admirers and have been told that there is no way I would be single if it wasn’t out of choice, but the difference is that I don’t actually WANT a relationship, because I can’t stand to be tied down. So, confident people, ignore this rubbish peddled by someone who is incapable of appreciating a rich variety of personalities and is clearly still stuck in their sandpit LOL! Bloody hell, women have worked this hard to get to where we are, let’s not let our confidence be knocked by another WOMAN forsooth (even if she does call herself a “doctor” – my a$$!)
LOL! You’re so funny. I’m of course assuming this is written in satirical jest just to prove my point about narcissists… Good one… ):
Ceebee sounds like a typical narcisist. I dated one exactly like her. Thought she was ‘it’ even when she fell short in all areas. Later told everyone I dumped her because my low self esteem could not handle her high self confidence. I’m dating a truly confident wonderful woman now but my ex is still single and still believes her own sh*t.
With all due respect Yangki, I do not think CeeBee’s comment is satire. The statement “clearly stuck in their sandpit” is racist. The only times I’ve heard it used is on people of African origin. Also she calls the post “jealous bullsh*t” but her comment is clearly from someone who is jealous of you or has a deep seated racist attitude that believes you do not deserve the attention you are getting.
I personally find the post a very accurate description of a narcicistic personality. Please ignore the rantings of a jealous narcissist and keep up the good work. There are many women and men who benefit from someone saying it like it is. And people like Ceebee will do anything to silence the voice of truth.
Penny, thanks for looking out for me… ):
You may be absolutely right about your observations. I can’t however, assume to know what someone’s motives are. God/Universe/Nature decided that what’s in someone else’s mind is not for me to see. I can only choose how I perceive things and react to them.
As far as the phrase “stuck in their own sandpit” is concerned, I’ve never heard the phrase used before and don’t really care much about what it means or why anyone feels the need to use it. In my world all that matters at the end of time is LOVE. Everything else is insignificant… and for that reason ONLY, I choose to love Ceebee… ):
I think CeeBee’s racist comment was meant to see how you would react. There was some desired reaction there but it seems she never got it. I get that on my blog too, insecure people targeting and attacking me for no reason at all. I always take the higher ground and it makes them only more angry. lol
I want to move beyond the “racism” thing and CeeBee’s unknown intentions and address the part of your comment that I really like… and if you don’t mind, I’d like to use it to give a little tip on reacting to an angry partner who is criticizing, or accusing you of something you have no clue or have not done.
One response that seems to defuse the anger from the other person without defending your actions or counter-accusing is “I can understand why you would think/feel that way.” Instead of being uptight about it, choose the path of least resistance. “I can understand why you would think/feel that way” indicates willingness to consider the other person’s point of view without getting into a defensive mode. Later on when his/ her anger has cooled down you can explain yourself.
I dated a narcissist for 2 years and they were the most painful 2 years of my life. He’d always start an argument or fight spat everywhere we went and would never admit when he was wrong. He truly believed that people who criticized him for his selfish and uncaring behaviour were jealous of him.
I cannot imagine falling for anyone so narcissistic again. It’s a turn off.
If narcissists admitted they were wrong, then there would not be anything “superior” about them anymore, would there???… ):
Great Post. You might want to pluralize narcissist in your title for better presentation. In the end a person with an ego will always lose for sure.
Thanks. Changed the whole title for even better presentation…):
Very insighful, I just got done in a relationship with a narcissist. It was very brutal the whole time thinking it was me. She would tell me all the time she could have anybody she wanted, that I didnt care for her. I would jump thru hoops for her but nothing was good enough if I didn’t answer my text or calls fast enough she wouldn’t speak to me. Only at the end did I start realizing how things really were, she is married and her husband is that way, so she was just reflecting how she is always treated and doing it to someone else. The lessons we learn in life can be tough sometimes.