Question: I called up my ex after 2 months of No Contact as I felt that much space apart will be required for me and her to get a clear perspective. She did not pick up. I guess it must have been awkward. So, I dropped her a text asking her to let me know of a convenient time so that I can talk to her briefly. I feel it does not matter who initiates the contact. As reconciliation can only happen if there is respect and an honest attempt to communicate.
Yangki’s Answer: You are so right about respect and honest desire to communicate that’s why it’s ironical that you chose to do “no contact” instead of an honest attempt to communicate.
You are also right that it does not matter who initiates the contact, however, 60 days is a long time to be gone out of someone’s life. A lot can happen in that time, the worst being that the other person gets “used” to not having you in his/her life.
The getting “a clear perspective” works in very few relationships. In most because break-ups raise many questions, with no one to ask for answers, most people fill in the blanks with their own storylines, some of which are way off mark. Depending on your ex’s own storyline, you either come out looking more or less desirable.
There is also what other people (friends, blogs, counselors etc) say about you in your absence which may not be true of you. Since you are in no contact, you are not there to set the record straight. When you “re-appear’ after your “no contact”, your ex’s mind about you is already made — and yes you guessed it, based on things that may not even be true.
These are all realities of “no contact” that most people either do not think about or don’t believe can happen!
You can try contacting her again, any respectful and honest desire to communicate is always a good start… but like I said, 60 days to be gone is a very long time for most people! She may even already have someone else in her life… another possible reality!
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