Should I Write My Ex An Apology Letter?

should-i-send-my-ex-an-apology-letterQuestion: I followed your advice and kept in touch with my ex. A couple of weeks ago we got back together but for only a few days. The same old pattern of drawing close then breaking up happened again. This time I was the one who broke up with her because I thought she was texting another guy. I later found out she was trying to help a friend who needed relationship advice.

We haven’t been in contact. After begging for over 3 weeks, I stopped bothering her. Knowing her she won’t contact me first. I have always had to make the first move by calling her on the phone. I’m thinking this time, I’ll write a letter apologizing for how I acted. Nothing sappy or depressing just a nice, upbeat and fun letter.

Yangki’s Answer: A letters could help. The problem I find with post-break-up letters is that you the run the risk of overloading her with your “thoughts” — or feelings and emotions. Pushing your feelings on her at this point will make you look even more desperate.

I think that you should start with a simple text or email. Nothing sappy or depressing just a straight and brief “I made a mistake” type text or email. If you think you can handle it by phone, give her a call. Words always sound more sincere when heard than read.

Do not ask her out or ask her if she wants to get back together because she’ll think that’s the only reason you contacted her and/or are apologizing. Let the first contact be just about an apology.

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I can testify to the fact that explaining why you did what you did is a waste of time, and more likely to backfire. She used every word I said against me and accused me of trying to put all the blame on her. Thankfully I was in control of my emotions and instead just said, “I’m sorry I hurt you”. She was silent for a minute and said “I’m sorry too, for all the horrible things I said to you.” That was it. Our conversations though still very random and far between are more civil.

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