How Do I Respond to Pressure From My Ex?

too-much-pressure-from-ex-to-get-back-togetherQuestion: Yangki, what about in a situation where she responds but tells you that she will only agree to meet you in person if you are getting back together otherwise it’s a waste of her time?

She initially wanted no contact, but I contacted her after 3 weeks. She didn’t respond to my two texts and one email telling her how I felt about her and that I’m working on me. She recently initiated contact and we talk almost everyday, but she will not meet unless we’re getting back together. I love her and want her back. Any advice, please?

Yangki’s Answer: Don’t accept the pressure.

People who say they’ll only talk to you or meet you if you are getting back together:

1) Have not accepted the break-up.

Accepting a break-up is important in the process of getting back together. It’s the closing of one chapter so you can begin a new one. The other person/dumpee doesn’t have to agree with it, they just have to accept that that relationship is over.

2) Have not taken responsibility for their role

They are still blaming you for the break-up and/or feel that they are a “victim” because you broke up with them. Most haven’t even taken the time to think about how things got to where they are now, and how they may have contributed to it.

The chances of things being the same are very high.

3) Are trying to manipulate you into giving them what they want.

This is just a bad sign for the relationship in general.

That said, she obviously still has feelings for you, otherwise she would not be talking about getting back together — and you still have feelings for her.

My advice is to tell her that you want the same thing as she does, and that is get back together. But you do not just want to get back together with the same old problems from the old relationship. You want to do it right this time, slowly build a better relationship through communication and spending time together.  You don’t want to go back to the old relationship, you want to start things over and getting back together has to be a gradual process.

If she still insists that you get back together right away, let her go. She’s on a power-trip. You may give in and get back together only for her to break-up with you. It happens a lot with people who feel that they are a “victim” of a break-up. Their egos are so bruised and the only way they can feel good is to get even by making you feel the pain they felt when you broke up with them.

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