Question: My girlfriend broke with me a month ago. We had some bitter disagreement and she said she wanted a break “to think” because she was too stressed. I told her we both needed a break. After waiting a month I contacted her. She says she still loves me and that there is a good chance that we will get back together but she does not want to get back together just yet. She says she’s still confused and unsure and wants more time. I told her I wasn’t going to hang around waiting for her to make up her mind. She seemed sad to hear that and said she doesn’t want to lose me, but she understands. Part of me wants to believe that she really loves me and wants me back but the other part fears putting my heart and investing more of my emotions, time and effort only to end up being rejected again. Either she wants to be with me or she doesn’t. Should I just let go, move on with my life?
The Love Doctor’s Answer: The only person who can make the decision as to whether to believe her and hope or cut your loses now and move on is you. It’s your heart and your life!
But since you asked me for advice, I’ll tell you what I think and believe but ultimately you’ll have to weigh it against what you know is right for you.
If what you truly want is to be with her, and you believe in your heart that there is even just the slightest chance of you two getting back together, then why not do everything in your power to get what you want?
True, there is a possibility that you may be rejected again down the road but there is also the possibility that you won’t. You won’t know anything for sure unless you give yourselves a chance to try to make this work. The saddest part would be living with the regret for the rest of your life, not knowing if it ever would have worked out.
Where there is still love, anything is possible.
Give her time to sort whatever she needs to. When she comes back to you, it’ll be because she’s thought it through and decided it’s what she wants not because you pressured her in to it. Showing understanding trumps undue pressure every time.
Giving her time however doesn’t mean you “hang around waiting”. Do something worthwhile with your life but keep the option that she may come back into your life open.
If she’s open to keeping in touch, use that time and space to build a better and stronger relationship instead of rushing to get back together only to break up again. Show her how things can and will be different and better. This will more likely convince her to come back to you sooner than applying pressure on her to come back.
You might also want to look at my article: Just Because Someone Says They Need Space Doesn’t Always Mean The Relationship Is Over