Sunday April 19th 2015

My Ex Is Not Responding To Texts What Do I Do?

Question: My ex dumped me almost a year to the day but we continued to be friends until I stopped hearing from her. I texted her a couple of times with no response so I just assumed she wasn’t interested in keeping contact. She’d always told me she could not imagine a life without me, so I was both surprised and hurt that she just stopped communicating without explanation. I thought may be I had said or done something that caused her to act the way she did.

Three weeks ago she texted me out of the blue, I didn’t know what to say to her so I just sent a polite response. She texted me constantly for about two weeks and all I could do was be polite and text back. This weekend she texted me saying she made a mistake contacting me and that she was very sorry for having bothered me and that she’d not be bothering me anymore.

I know I should have been a little bit enthusiatic in my texts but I just wasn’t sure what she wanted or why she contacted me after all this time. I also didn’t want to ask her because I didn’t want her to think I was angry with her (I was for a while but got over it). She’s done this before twice and I don’t know what to make of it. What do you think she expected and where did I go wrong? Should I contact her and ask her what’s going on?

The Love Doctor’s Answer: I can’t say with any certainty what she expected. May be she expected you to be excited that she reached out to you or may be she expected you to be angry and not text back. I don’t know. Frankly, I do not think you should worry too much about what her expectations were/are. If someone can’t act like an adult, you’re probably better off without her in your life.

I don’t think you did anything wrong at all. Acting cautiously was the best you could have done under the circumstances.

Whether to contact her not is really your call. If you decide to contact her and she does respond (she might not, so don’t be too disappointed), you’ll do yourself a lot of good bringing everything out in the open and let the cards fall where they fall. You really have nothing to lose at this point.

I don’t know what caused your breakup, but being firm, assertive, positive and forward looking will let her know what if she wants to be in your life, she can’t go on with the “drama”. You’d rather move on with your life without her than be caught up in situations that leave you wondering what’s going on.

I really do hope you can deal with this once and for all and move forward — whichever direction. Best!

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13 Responses to “My Ex Is Not Responding To Texts What Do I Do?”

  1. silverdust says:

    She has always been bad about keeping in touch but specifically told me that she appreciates that I continue to make the effort because she values my friendship. Just wondering how much effort I should continue putting into keeping the friendship.

  2. There are limits to how much effort anyone can put into maintaining a friendship. It takes two. Just saying “I value your friendship” when one is not doing anything to stalk the fires that keep a friendship alive means nothing. If it’s reached a point where resentment is beginning to build up then may be you should take a second look at this “friendship.” My advice is always SPEAK UP, sometimes people don’t even realize they’re “hurting you” in some form and if you don’t speak up you can assume they’re intentionally doing what they’re doing. If she really values you as a friend she’ll understand how you feel and make effort — even if it’s just a little more…

  3. Mike says:

    It is really frustrating when you meet someone whom you think you connect with, everything is going fine, and then she stops responding. I’m going through it right now with a woman I’ve been seeing for 3 months. No texts, no emails, no call backs. Nothing!

    Wouldn’t it just be polite to tell someone you’re not interested than leave them wondering what they’ve done wrong?

  4. You’ve only been seeing each other for 3 months, may be she realized she’s not into you or may be she needs time apart to figure out if she wants to be in a relationship with you, or it could be nothing to do with you (she’s busy, dealing with some difficult situation etc).

    But you’re right, whatever it is, it’d show some respect to at least tell you.
    Since you’ve already contacted her a few times… just wait it out and see what happens. Like I said she might have a perfectly good explanation. But “wait it out” just means let go thinking too much about it and go on with your life. If and when she contacts you, deal with it based on how you feel at the time.

  5. Mike says:

    Sounds reasonable. Thanks.

  6. Drew says:

    I’ve used NC and it worked the first time. She came back after 5 weeks apart. It was great for 4 months them she broke up with me again. I completely pulled away, and after a couple of weeks she called. I didn’t return the call and two days later she called again. After two more calls I finally took the call. She asked me why I wasn’t returning her calls and I said that it seemed like she wasn’t interested and I was moving on. She was upset and told me she cared about me very much. We talked for about 23 minutes and I told her I had to go. I have not heard from her again and it’s like 2 months. Any advice?

  7. If you broke up again after just 4 months, I can’t exactly say “…it worked”.

    There are only two things you can do now 1) be patient and let her contact you or 2) contact her. Whatever you decide to do, this game the two of you are playing is destructive to the relationship (if there is still any). One of you has to step up and be the adult, if not, it’s going to be like this until the feeling of love and liking is completely gone — for good!

  8. Mosso says:

    Okay after 2.5 months of no contact, I contact her and no reply. I tried to call her and she has changed her mob number! I think I lost her, is time now to forget it and move on?

  9. It’s not my place to tell you what to do with your life… the questions is what other options do you have? She changed her mobile number and didn’t tell you… seems to me that’s an answer in it’s own right.

  10. Mandy says:

    My ex said he didn’t want me to contact him and wanted me to leave him alone. But just one month later he contacts me via text. I told him I was surprised to hear from him. He said he missed me and has been thinking about me. We talked every day for a week, and decided to meet up. The first date went great. We laughed and talked like in the old days. He texted me to wish me good night. I replied that I had an amazing time and would like to go out again. He didn’t reply and I haven’t heard from him since, today will be day 4. I’m confused, do I contact him and ask him what’s going on or wait for him t contact me?

  11. Give him a week, and if you still haven’t heard from him, contact him to find out what’s going on. He probably got scared when you said you wanted to go out again immediately after a date.

    If he still doesn’t reply, then you know he has no intentions of pursing things further.

  12. Krista says:

    My ex broke up with me. I tried to get him back but he would not badge so I implemented no contact for 6 straight weeks. During that time he never once texted me. Last week I sent him a text “Hey there. Have you seen this? Hilarious!” he never replied. I sent him one two days later “If you do not want to talk to me, I’ll understand”, he sent one back immediately “Thank You”. So I texted him saying I still loved him and want him back. He never responded. What do you think he meant by “thank you”. I don’t know if I should text him again and if yes what should I say?

  13. I think that “Thank you” means “thank you for understanding that I do not want to talk to you”.

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