Question: My ex dumped me almost a year to the day but we continued to be friends until I stopped hearing from her. I texted her a couple of times with no response so I just assumed she wasn’t interested in keeping contact. She’d always told me she could not imagine a life without me, so I was both surprised and hurt that she just stopped communicating without explanation. I thought may be I had said or done something that caused her to act the way she did.
Three weeks ago she texted me out of the blue, I didn’t know what to say to her so I just sent a polite response. She texted me constantly for about two weeks and all I could do was be polite and text back. This weekend she texted me saying she made a mistake contacting me and that she was very sorry for having bothered me and that she’d not be bothering me anymore.
I know I should have been a little bit enthusiatic in my texts but I just wasn’t sure what she wanted or why she contacted me after all this time. I also didn’t want to ask her because I didn’t want her to think I was angry with her (I was for a while but got over it). She’s done this before twice and I don’t know what to make of it. What do you think she expected and where did I go wrong? Should I contact her and ask her what’s going on?
The Love Doctor’s Answer: I can’t say with any certainty what she expected. May be she expected you to be excited that she reached out to you or may be she expected you to be angry and not text back. I don’t know. Frankly, I do not think you should worry too much about what her expectations were/are. If someone can’t act like an adult, you’re probably better off without her in your life.
I don’t think you did anything wrong at all. Acting cautiously was the best you could have done under the circumstances.
Whether to contact her not is really your call. If you decide to contact her and she does respond (she might not, so don’t be too disappointed), you’ll do yourself a lot of good bringing everything out in the open and let the cards fall where they fall. You really have nothing to lose at this point.
I don’t know what caused your breakup, but being firm, assertive, positive and forward looking will let her know what if she wants to be in your life, she can’t go on with the “drama”. You’d rather move on with your life without her than be caught up in situations that leave you wondering what’s going on.
I really do hope you can deal with this once and for all and move forward — whichever direction. Best!