Question: My ex recently contacted me after 3 months of NC but she is in a relationship. She says they are having problems and that he is not me. She told me she still loves me and misses me. I still love her too and want to be with her but I don’t trust her. A brief history of our relationship. She was in a relationship when I met her. We had sex and her then boyfriend found out and broke up with her. We started a relationship which lasted 18 months. She ended it because we had fallen into a routine and there was no more excitement in the relationship. She said she loved me still but needed to feel in love. She also has never been single since she was 18, she’s 32 now. Do you see any hope for us?
Yangki’s Answer: There are indicators that suggest that there is hope.
1. You both still love each other. It’s not a guarantee that because you still love each other you’ll get back together, but it’s an advantage in that you have a foundation to build on.
2. The other relationship is in trouble which means her one foot is probably already out of the of door.
That said, I am always suspicious of exes who make contact after months of no contact, and even more suspicious of one who contacts you when the relationship she’s in is in trouble.
There is also the fact that she cheated on her boyfriend and has never been single, and probably is scared of not being in a relationship. These are all strong red flags. I am sure you already know this that’s why you don’t trust her.
The more important question you should be asking yourself is: Has anything changed?
If you do decide to give yourselves another chance, don’t get into a relationship right away. Suggest to her that you date first to give her the experience of being single and not in a relationship. Tell her it’s important to the success of your relationship that you don’t rush into a girlfriend/boyfriend relationship.
If she rejects the idea or tries to rush you into a relationship (which she’s most likely to do), you might want to rethink the decision to get back together. The probability of her repeating the only pattern she’s known is very, very high.
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