Question: She felt very unhappy in the relationship and left because she needed some space to find her own happiness. A month ago I contacted her and tried to convince her that we can make it work. She said there is just something that feels that we’re not right for each other and she’s so tired and just doesn’t have the energy to keep trying. I told her I’m a different individual and doing the best I can so we can possibly become a couple again. But she said that even if she listened to me, there is still this thing for her that is just not going away. She said this is a big enough issue for her and we both need to move on. She says she’ll miss me terribly, but she also knows that she needs to finally listen to her own gut, and trust her more than she listens to me. She says it might be selfish, but she wants to be happy. She’s told me if I keep bringing up getting back together, she might end up hating me. I don’t even know if she really knows what she wants. I however know that women want a man who does not give up. Am I in denial wanting her back or is there actually a chance that she might change her mind?
The Love Doctor’s Answer: This is a really tough one especially because I’m a strong advocate of “do everything possible to make it work before you decide the relationship is really over.” But I fully understand and appreciate where she’s coming from. She has every right to want to be happy. I don’t think it’s selfish at all.
There are many instances when as ex changes her (or his) mind even after saying they think it’s best if each went their own way. It’s however a lot harder for someone to change her mind if deep down inside she’s convinced that you just don’t fit the bill for what she wants in a partner. And you may be right that she doesn’t know what she wants, and there may be other things going on in her life that you are not seeing or she is not allowing you to see, but she’s made it clear she knows who she doesn’t want to be with right now.
My advice is for you to listen to her and give her the space she wants. You can’t force her back into a relationship with you. And while there is some truth to women (and men) finding someone who does not easily give up appealing, that’s only if they want you not to give up. This woman obviously wants you to give up and sitting in limbo hoping she changes her mind keeps you hanging in anxiety. And the more time passes the more anxious you’ll get.
Take the hint and move on. No need to act like you don’t care or like you now hate her or cut off all contact (unless you really feel it’s the only way you can get over her and move on). May be in the future when she’s found her own happiness – and if you’re still single – something can happen. But for now take care of yourself.
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Does Your Ex Want You Back or Are You Refusing To Accept Reality?
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Hi, I think it would be better if you would give your ex time to think about what she really wants. Your presence and the idea of getting back might still be not she wants at this point but giving her space may help her think straight and give the relationship a second chance.
I’ve been in the same situation as you. It helped me move on faster knowing that if it was meant to be we would get back together. We live in the same town and still see each other, she’s friendly and nice to me but I’m not putting my life on hold waiting for her. Not seeing anyone in particular but if the opportunity arose, I’d explore it.
PS: I’ve really loving this new theme. I downloaded it after seeing it here.
This happened to me three months ago. I gave her space but remained friendly, sending her an email here and a joke there. Sometimes I got a response and sometimes nothing. When her dad was in hospital I visited with him and she said she saw how much I cared. So three months of this and four nights ago I got a call asking me if we could meet up. I don’t know what this means, this is why I’m searching the internet for how I should handle this.
My advice is give her space but don’t act like you don’t care.
I’ve tried to improve in my own life and become a better person for the long haul, but my ex says he just can’t see how being with me will be different this time and he says he wants to see if there is someone else out there he is better with. What else can i do? Should i still stay friends?
Hi Kimmie, you’ve posted about your ex on just every single article I’ve written for the last 2 months even when it has nothing to do with “an ex” or the questions you’re asking. I’ve tried to answer most of your questions, and I really want to continue to be of help, but it’s important that I keep the blog relevant, useful and user friendly otherwise, it’ll become just another “forum”. Please kindly read the instructions on getting a response to your question in the “Ask a Question” page above.
l got the same situation. If she really cares she will come back until then go hang out with your friends and family.
mine told me i should move on and date other women,dont know what to do
What to do depends on a lot of things – what kind of relationship you had, why you broke up, what you’ve done to try to get your ex back, if your ex still has feelings for you and why she is now saying you should date other women.
Without details (and I’m not asking that you provide those details here, this is not what the blog is for), I can only suggest you read my post – My Ex Says I Should Move On and Date Other Women
well i took her for granted i was too selfish,eventhough its been almost 18 months i havent gived up,i think i owe her that much,we get along great but she is ignoring me now something she never did before
madmax…
anything change?
same boat as you, i dated her for close to 2 years, i did take her for granted and i was also selfish.. she said she wanted to be friends, but i ended up telling her i loved her and that i couldnt be friends because she would remind me of all the mistakes i have made and i asked her not to contact me… if she does or not i will move on, but i think of her everyday, and im depressed all the time, i find no joy in the things i used to..
Helpful post on getting your girlfriend back in your life!
Just recently got back in contact with my ex. We’ve had nice chats and laughs. But something she said bothers me. She said that there will always be a place for me in her heart even if we were apart. Does this mean she has moved on?
Moved on or moving on. Sounds like she’s warning you not to read too much into the nice chats. She doesn’t want you to get your hopes up and hurt you again.