Help! I Can’t Get Closure From My Ex

how-do-i-get-closure-from-my-exQuestion: Me and my ex boyfriend of 2 years are both in our late 30s. Everything was good and then he became very moody, started ignoring me, got upset with me for no reason and wouldn’t talk to me. When I asked him what was going on he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was completely devastated and asked him why. He told me he didn’t know, all he knew is that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore.

I called and texted him for days crying, then went no contact for 6 weeks to try to get over him and move on but I can’t. He always said I was the best thing in his life and he wanted to be with me for ever. We were going to get married. I don’t understand what happened. I sent him a long email telling him I can’t move on because I still don’t know why we broke up. He responded telling me to move on because he has a new girlfriend and their relationship is serious.

I understand that he has moved on but I still don’t know what I did wrong. I have turned to support forums and some days I feel optimistic but most days I feel like I will not move on until I know what went wrong. I’m not sure if I can ever be happy again. He has complete hold over my heart, why won’t he help me move on? Why is he being so cold-hearted?

Yangki’s Answer: I’m sorry that you’re experiencing so much pain. However, I think that expecting your ex to help you get through a break-up is unrealistic. Yes, there are some exes who feel bad about dumping you and try to help you through the healing process, but most don’t. And as hard as the truth may be to accept, he doesn’t owe it to you to hold your hand through your grief.

No doubt about it, knowing why the relationship ended would make moving a lot a little easier, but since you don’t have that option, you have to accept that you may never know why the relationship ended. Be grateful for the experience and tell yourself the memories of what you had together will remain with you forever, but right now the most important person you should be thinking about is YOU.

Yes, it’s hard but you have to for your own sake. Start giving yourself the attention you’re giving to him. Do things that make you happy – go out with friends, sign up for a self-advancement class, try new adventures, etc. Don’t feel guilty when you feel deep sadness and cry. Crying is apart of the healing process. Let the tears flow, then gather yourself up and keep moving forward.

So many people have done it before and many more are doing it everyday, you too can do it.

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  • Miriam says:

    My ex and I just recently broke up. We are not on speaking terms. Id like for us to one day get past all the drama and be civil to each other. We have always been able to talk but this time things ended very badly. Im not entirely sure if I can do anything to get him back.

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    • Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng Love Doctor, Yangki Christine Akiteng says:

      May be there is something you can do, or may be not. Without details of your relationship, I can’t give much insight into your situation. What I do however know is that, how you are thinking going into trying to re-establish communication or even trying to get him back matters — a lot!

      Since this looks like an on-and-off again relationship, I suggest not using the same approach you’ve used before, whatever that is. It worked up to a certain point. You need to do things differently to get a different result.

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  • Hellsbells says:

    My partner of 14 yrs recently left me for a work collague we have two children together n every day is so hard I just want to tex or ring him n tell him that I love him n that I want him home but I no in my heart that he is happy with her which makes me hurt more he was my first everything I thought we were happy !!

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