Question: Me and my ex boyfriend of 2 years are both in our late 30s. Everything was good and then he became very moody, started ignoring me, got upset with me for no reason and wouldn’t talk to me. When I asked him what was going on he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was completely devastated and asked him why. He told me he didn’t know, all he knew is that he wasn’t attracted to me anymore.
I called and texted him for days crying, then went no contact for 6 weeks to try to get over him and move on but I can’t. I sent him an email telling him I can’t move on because I still don’t know why we broke up. He told me he loved me, I was the best thing in his life and he wanted to be with me for ever, what happened? He emailed not to contact him anymore, he has a new girlfriend and their relationship is serious.
It’s been months since we broke up and I’m still in pain. I still don’t know what I did wrong. I have turned to support forums and some days I feel optimistic but most days I feel like I won’t make it until tomorrow. I’m not sure if I can ever be happy again. He has complete hold over my heart, why won’t he help me move on? Why is he being so cold-hearted?
The Love Doctor’s Answer: I’m sorry that you’re experiencing so much pain. It is very difficult to get over a relationship. Knowing why really isn’t as important as you may think unless you’re trying to get your ex back and need to know the mistakes you made so you can work on improving yourself and avoiding making the same mistakes.
I think that you expecting an ex to help you get through a break-up is unrealistic. Yes, there are some exs who feel bad about dumping you and try to help you through the healing process, but most don’t. And as hard as the truth may be to accept, he doesn’t owe it to you to hold your hand through your grief.
He does not at all have a hold of your heart, YOU are the one that is holding on and won’t let go. YOU are the only person who has that power to let go. Letting go begins with you accepting that even though he once loved you, he no longer feels the same as before. Be grateful for the experience and tell yourself the memories of what you had together will remain with you forever but right now the most important person you should be thining about is YOU.
Yes, it’s hard but you have to for your own sake. Start giving yourself the attention you’re giving to him. Do things that make you happy – go out with friends, sign up for a self-advancement class, try new adventures, etc. Don’t feel guilty when you feel deep sadness and cry. Crying is apart of the healing process. Let the tears flow, then gather yourself up and keep going.
So many people have done it before and many more are doing it everyday, you too can do it.